The fear of abandonment & other things......

With the first advent of knowledge there is a desire to share it with someone and being recognized for it. Though gradually with time even an acknowledgment becomes precious. It doesnt matter whether your knowledge is borrowed from books or internet and in rare cases your own discovery. We constantly suffer from a deficit of our being and hence you want to lay emphasis on your own existence through every medium you come across. Since there isn’t any attribute that we specifically can call ours without sharing it with nature, an association with certain constructs or traits of mind seemingly pacifies. But the craving never ends.

The loss of free will occurs the very instant fear of abandonment seeps in. In order to be accepted just the way we are, full of joy & liberty, one tends to start being what everybody around accepts readily which in most cases doesnt match with our being. We pretend and adopt things just to become more acceptable. Its a kind of adaptability we as humans excel in. Everybody isnt gifted well with this quality hence some become miserable, losing their purity. Some do it to outsmart others while some may do due to greed or jealousy and some struggle just for an acknowledgment of their existence. Either ways it takes away your awareness and renders you in a rather mechanically cloned version. If we were born with firmwares then downloading the updates would take away half of our lives and establish world records.

Its difficult to value what cant be seen yet always is and abandon everything that can be perceived but doesn’t last.

Following this order we build layers of conditions & constructs around us forcing ourselves daily to act according to our whims & fancies. In time we start losing our most precious gift that is awareness of our selves, things around us, people around us, nature, our body & its needs. Its rare to find people aware of their mind, its functions and its need of rest. Being unaware while our mind wants to rest is sleeping and being consciously aware which gives rest to our mind is meditation. The biggest fad of our times, provided we are still active & healthy, is that sleep, dance, music, movies, sports, adventure or other recreational activities can give rest to our ever functional mind. That is why our societies have so many awards, celebrations & functions. They are a necessity to emphasize such fads.

I wonder, if in any state or country the government bans a simple need such as eating outside ones house. Would there still be huge gatherings at marriages, conferences, parties? Would we still spend time & money on dressing up and going out? Would weekends, cinema halls, malls, etc still see so much foot fall?

Its the same fear of being abandoned thats makes death scary for us. Even though no one has experienced their death themselves. We only hear about others dying but we have never felt or experienced it. As no one lives to tell how was their encounter with death. All we know is that one who dies has to abandon everything he is acquired, all relations & possessions. In other words everything & everyone abandons the one who dies. This very phenomena of being abandoned is what makes death scary to us. We dont know how to live with just ourselves and we have never learnt how to spend time with just ourselves. All we understand is spending time with help of some medium. If we are left in a room without anything except the necessities such as food &water even then our survival in such solitary confinement seems dreadful. As the question arises that there was nothing to do and the boredom of our own company was close to death. We have made our lives so conditional that we dont know any other way of living and we depend on so many man made things to survive. We have come too far away from nature.

Even after arranging, acquiring & managing all means there doesnt seem to be any end of our quests. We keep preparing for a better future which never seems to arrive. We dont try to just be who we are without any kind of dependence. The desire to be accepted by others makes us do things to avoid abandonment. In return we never understand who we are, why we are and how long we are.

Aftermath of a road mishap

There are plenty of incidents and events that do not seem logical or reasonable to us with their occurrence. Its far more easy for us if we can hold someone responsible or blame somebody for such cases. It somehow becomes acceptable. I guess thats how are basic nature is. Then again if you notice there many such times which are universally accepted such as accidents or illnesses. We calmly accept them as inevitable or pre-destined. If we slip in the bathroom then we never scold anybody for that. Or unintentionally delete or forget to save important files on computer then we dont get angry on anyone.

Then why are we so judgemental or jumpy towards conclusion if at all there is even an iota of probability of someone being responsible for the mishap that has occured. We rip a person apart, belittle them, ridicule them, make them feel ashamed or embarassed. How petty we become neglecting thousands of cases where things just happen and one cannot avoid their occurence.

Each and every incident that occurs physically is pre-ordained, we are only free to make choices in our mind and mend our outlook. You can continue to challenge or fight this fact but time and again it will stand proven to you. We must stop blaming others for anything that seems wrong in our life. We dont understand so much about our life-system. Its easy to escape our negligence by holding others responsible. Only foolish people say that you can make life as you want,  realistic people accept life as it is. You can either struggle forever to change life which includes others according to you or you can bend your attitude slightly and everything will fit in.

Another interesting experience i am having these days, since i am resting mostly. It started clearly just before the accident. It was going on inside me how our being is totally unaffected by our physical state. Projections keep changing infront of us and leading to myriad thoughts, feelings, ideas, plans & emotions. But the self remains as it is. Though i m yet to experience it during my sleep. 

So when my car's brakes failed and i saw that we are about to collide with the truck halted in the third lane. Yet there was no question or surprise inside me. It just seemed like any other mundane activity of everyday life. After the impact the pain was too strong inside the chest and blood on my face, for a moment i accepted it may be my last breath. Things began getting dark but i was not dying so i started functioning realising that this too is just a projection and hence will pass away. The situation is temporary and i am a witness. So brought my mom to consciousness and called my father for ambulance.

Its been ten days and not even once has this question arise that why did this happen. Or why is my mother so seriously hurt. When dear ones come visiting and tell me i shall get well soon. I dont know why they wish so. What is the hurry of getting rid of my current condition. How would it matter whether i take a month or 6 months time. As pain or relief both are just temporary states of our physical existence. We remain constant all the time.   

Void Everywhere

Its there inside each one of us. Some know about it and others oblivious. It can be marked from the very start of life making sense to us. The great big void. Initially it may not seem all that huge but with time as life passes by it keeps increasing.


We crave to fill it up with anything and everything we know, learn, do & experience. There is a level of false gratification but never are we able to fully fill this void. It may sound vague but can be understood by anyone who has ever introspected on their lives and the ones around. That is how we come to develop so many tastes in different individuals. There are different choices, moods, needs, wants & desires. Each one with the same objective to feel fulfilled & contented. Some times I feel pity to look around and find the constant struggle to achieve this, yet always a failure. It requires the slightest pondering to realize.

People go to many extremes to sort this out, explore and research in many ways. Everyone is looking for that one sure shot to be able to once at least get over with this turmoil. I am amazed to look at the variety of activities we have developed, I wonder if they are there to fulfill this gap or help us negate or ignore this lamented state. I have heard confessions of few friends where they mentioned realizing this only the times when they have been forcefully alone. For instance a long admittance in hospital or being bed ridden at home due to some prolonged sickness. But once over they never turn back to analyze the epiphany.

It is the resultant of this relentless state of misery which leads to hatred, greed, jealousy, infidelity, frustration, anger and other such illness. If everyone around you is struggling with the same thing then it doesn't register as a struggle to anyone. We consider and accept life like that only. Nobody questions much, except over a coffee or a drink on a late night. Sleep makes us forget it all and brings us back to square one.

Its always easier to blame other people & circumstances. Isnt it possible that somewhere we are responsible for all our maladies? It might not seem so on the surface but then nothing is clear on the surface ever, if it is then its all the more reason to doubt. If at all others were responsible then why did we ever let our guard down. You must have realized in the very first hit or hurt. We can only go on ignoring ourselves as long as we are able and active but with the last breath everyone realizes the mistake. Nobody knows if it is too late then or we get another chance in some other dimension. Well at least as far as facts go nobody has returned to confirm.

Just sit back and relax in your own company for an hour everyday. Ask yourself this question why are you doing, whatever it is that you are doing, where does it lead you, did you actually find or get what you needed, are you still striving, if you were successful then how long did the taste last? Dont be disappointed with the disheartening results.

Its not coming out a depressed mind or in a very low mood, i can assure you that whatever I have expressed here is in absolute peaceful & relaxed state .

Life Flirts! - 3rd Anniversary Journal

Its the 3rd anniversary of my beginning to pen down things on this blog.

Even the smartest wisest and most pragmatic fall prey to life. You know why? Essentially because we never chose life ourselves. Life chose us and for how long is life gonna play with our tender feelings, is an unsaid question in all of ours mind. Even if all of us are not privileged to get toys & gifts money can buy, life still enchants us with weather, trees, flowers, air, beaches, hills, etc. Nature is that aspect which spell binds us. Then comes people, friends & relatives, opportunities & success, taste & perception, fun & pleasure, but you know the harsh reality behind all of it; we cant survive even a day without getting sufficient food, water, air and sleep. The injustice doesnt end there, you need shelter, protection & security from all sorts of external adversities. Even when you manage somehow some of these all of the time or all of these some of the time, you get defeated by emotional needs, desires & expectations.

Lives there no man who has fulfilled all his desires, none who can claim there life to be complete. Its a fleeting gratification only that you can meagerly manage at times but your physical health or age boundation interrupts that too.

Life relentlessly & recklessly flirts with us all.

Only few get smitten by this bug of craving & curiosity and rush to find the truth, the actual truth and the only truth. So what is the truth actually, does anyone really wants to know the truth. Time and again i tell or at least make a genuine attempt to tell people but nobody likes to know what they need to know or hear, they despise me for that, they love me if i only speak what they want to hear. It’s such a wishful thinking that the truth would be easy to come and comprehensive. Most of us dont even want to take a single step against our mind then what possibility or probability can you imagine to know the truth that gives the power & strength to this mind which then generates all these ideas & thoughts including the one i am writing.

There is one thing which is very commonly experienced by all of us or most of the people around us , that is the desire for love or need for companionship. It comes naturally to us, nobody ever asked you , taught you, it just happens. We dont even ask why as its so overwhelming, whether you fall or rise in love, over time everyone experiences the decline, the stagnancy, but while it lasts, its the best thing we ever experienced. Most of our efforts go futile to retain it forever. The tendency to be jealous, possessive or dominate eats it up. Until it transcends the corporeal, its ill-fated and destined to descend eventually.

If you discover the sub consciously embedded love for our existence it can take you to realms you never knew existed and are eternal. A simple way to proceed towards the same is to be honest focused dedicated in our love (a wishful thinking again as our expectations are uninvited parasites).

So life flirts with us in so many ways that we cant list them all and eventually life choses death over us, ditching us in the end. Love seems like a gateway which momentarily gives us some relief but later leaves us craving for even what we got in the beginning.

This is the partial truth as its only the beginning of an ages old quest. Good luck to all those striving as i am.

The Poker of Life

Life is a casino where a never ending game of poker is being played by everyone. Nature is the dealer here. There are many different tables with the range of bets varying. Some are public and some have reserved admittance only. Different aspects of life are covered as different tables here such as family, profession, friends, socializing, sports, adventure, hobbies, relationships, etc. The bets keep increasing and decreasing. There is minimum bet on some tables which is very high and on some tables the maximum bet is fixed.

Every now and then somebody goes all out on a table hitting the max. bet and is thrown away from there. You see a constant competition amongst the players to reach to a certain table to play. To have more and more acquisition & recognition. Some succeed and some fail. Some keep returning to particular tables even after having lost everything there at some point and some never return to the same table after their first attempt. You last on some tables for very long and sometimes you barely sustain one game. Some keep borrowing and some keep lending, where as some just love to watch this misery. Its funny to watch all this combined as a spectator. To watch people engulfed in superiority of their tables and the jealousy & inferiority of others.

No matter how much you win or lose, how many times you win or lose, for however long you play on a table or keep shuffling amongst different tables. The owner of this casino decides irrespective of your game-play to just tell anyone - Sorry, your time is up, you cant play any longer and you cant even redeem the chips at the main counter. You just have to leave the casino empty handed, whatever you borrowed or lent remains behind. No matter what relations you had developed over years of gaming on different tables just left behind uselessly. You can never come back here. Everyone knows this rule here yet they are constantly fighting, struggling and making efforts to improve their game or play on higher tables or with more people.
I wonder if any of it really matters.

Eventually all players get tired of playing no matter in what state, status, level or table. No matter how much you were enjoying your win or grieving over your loss. No matter how many people you were playing with. How pathetic your game was going or you were having the best time of your game. They all get tired. Hence they have to take mandatory breaks frequently enforced by the dealer, duration varying as per your need but you have to take a break everyday that's for sure. Its something we otherwise know as sleep. People constantly keep planning their next game or strategies or alliance even during this break. It seems nobody willingly wants to relax. Some players are very clumsy & lethargic always looking for an easy hand, where as some are over enthusiastic or very ambitious. None the less they are all totally indulged in some game or the other. Some playing it fair and some trying to cheat.

After being a player myself for years and years, I saw that playing is endless and futile. It doesn't really make a difference how good or bad you play. How much you earned or lost. How many people know you or which tables you play on. What tricks and tips you have. How much experience you have. All of it mundane and inconsequential. I learned that its much more fun to just watch people play here and not to exhaust my energy on any table. To just be a wanderer in this casino and not a player. Some call me crazy, some call me fool, some call me lost, some call me a loser, where as there are plenty of others who love my company when they are shuffling between tables. It helps them get fresh ideas & perspective which at times improves their game play, or they just love to share details of how their games has been going and what plans they have for next hand. The more they realize it, more they seek to talk to me when shuffling, but rarely anyone actually asks as to what made me quit and what am I doing now ( I used to be a decent player, at least sustainable). Rather often being overwhelmed with their solicitude they make baffling demands or inquiry as to how long do I intend to stay away from the tables or its a must to play on some table to stay inside the casino. I tell them otherwise that its a secret but I have learned that its not mandatory here to play. These players are not always oblivious to the relaxed state of my being. Even they agree that they value this sense of calm and peace a lot which I have found and are dedicatedly, devotedly seeking it on some random table. I just smile. I ask them that would it be alright if the owner threw you out of the casino right now, it scares them, they always have some pretext or goal or ambition to let them play for some more time. I smile again.

Now a days I even say sometimes that I have been granted an appointment with the owner of this casino whom nobody has ever seen and he might just randomly call me at any point. If I am found playing at that instance I will miss the chance or opportunity to meet him. As no excuse will work or be accepted. You have to be absolutely free from all tables then only he will meet you. Yeah helping players in any way while they are shuffling between tables is not considered a business or pre-occupation. I love doing it. It may seem a waste of time to a lot of people who are busy in their games but to me it sounds like the most exciting idea. Who knows what all prospects and possibilities might be their when I finally get to meet the man. I am happy waiting just like you are happy playing. I don't think that should be a problem to anyone ;-).

The lack of effort, promptness and initiative

We find escapes in many circumstances from putting our best effort or showing promptness and the burden of initiative. Either we are expecting for things to happen on their own or the other people involved to do it for you. It reflects our lack of zeal and interest. As there are plenty of things we do halfheartedly and probably because what are not following our heart actually. We are not genuinely interested in plenty of things and yet get involved in them. This could be for plenty of reasons for instance lack of courage to put a strong foot forward or compromising for some ulterior motive and sometimes for the sake of someone.
Be it spiritual path or the mundane social life they both require efforts, promptness and lot of initiative. As you have set a goal for yourself and nobody else is going to pursue it for you. I often am confronted with this query or question by people who have known me or strangers that if there is so much fault or drawback in the general life then why doesn’t one leave everything and go to mountains or forests. Or for those who actually go then its pointed they are running away from the world. Then the misery is advocated by saying that we are here fighting or struggling or however doing it yet facing it strongly, unlike the `babas’ who run away or not ready to face `reality’. I have had so many laughs every time I ponder an instance where such juvenile comments or remarks are made.

Artists, musicians, singers, lawyers, doctors, architects, merchants, soldiers, businessman, politicians……..bla bla bla bla. Aren’t these all just living life in different ways yet there might be a lot common in their needs and desires. Does anyone question them, no, why because they don’t raise a question on others too. But thinkers, philosophers, sages, saints, writers always question or point towards what being ignored. If people from Nat Geo or Discovery or scientists and researchers compromise on their social life to research something then it’s highly regarded by the society. Yet if somebody researches on something that’s not comprehensive for the lay man then they start questioning, why? It’s so funny that we ourselves can’t accept our own kind the way they are. Instead of being a facilitator, we become a hindrance or none the less despise them. But if all revolutionary people thought like this or got influenced by such hurdles then our societies would never have evolved. Or if the contributions of such unconventional people is taken away then we might still be barbaric. Are the forests, caves or the Himalayas outside the world? Are we still living in a age where anything outside the society or social norms is a taboo? Or we just hypocrites wanting to be called evolved and modern. Well its not the case everywhere and there is at least one society or religion that’s much more open and accepting to such ideas and that is Jainism. Interestingly they celebrate in honor of anybody who wants to move towards self-realization.

Regardless of this the situation actually boils down to the fact that such questions, arguments or remarks are only put by people who lack in efforts, promptness and initiative. Who are scared to venture into regions that they don’t understand or don’t have the courage to reach the horizons as it seems to be the world’s end of what little they know. A lot of beautiful relations begin beautifully but start declining towards an ugly end, just due to the aforementioned reason. We can’t accept what we don’t understand but somebody else understands. We can’t handle it if we find someone care-free towards things that form our biggest concerns. Though we are constantly slogging to be there but failing to achieve it with our wisdom, we are not ready to accept an advice or suggestion. Instead we glorify our misery or failure or how we struggle unnecessarily.

If we all want to go from Delhi to London then the fastest public transport available is an airplane? But if we in our ignorance keep glorifying the splendor and beauty that we can witness if travelled in a bullock cart, then nobody can help you. As then reaching London can’t be your aim actually unless the path is more important to you and not the destination. Hypothetically speaking if reaching London is the sole aim then we are losing focus. Is it to hide our failure or hide that our struggles have been futile as we didn’t know till now airplanes existed.

If you won’t seek you will not find. Don’t be so afraid to put efforts as they are not to be safe-guarded and cherished but what you can achieve after that is what matters.

Life as we know it is just a whirlpool of repeat telecasts, a vicious circle. Many of joined it before us and many will after we die. But if anyone tries to get out of it or find meaning to our existence instead of finding out what triggered such transition, realization or transformation we ask the most irrelevant question as what will happen once you will be free from this whirlpool or get of this circle. We ourselves are tired of this drill yet don’t appreciate any step towards liberation. What an irony! Some even advocate their futile attempt of trying to feel liberated while being caught in the jaws of this relentless struggle.

There is a beautiful song by Gurumaa Anandmurti which goes –

Jogiya, jag hai ek sarai

Sada raha hai kaun yahan par, ek aai ek jaai
Chhod ke apno ka ye mela, hans akela jaaye

Jiska jitna daana paani, wo utna hi khaye
Boond na simte sagar mein kabhi, saagar boond samaye

Sukh ke ujiyaare ke peeche, dukh ke kale saaye
Jaan ke bhi anjaan bane sab, kaun kise samjhaye

Pursuit of the Unknown

Growing up is about chasing. To get taller, to excel in class, to win your teacher's appreciation, best at sports, to be popular in school or college, to be the cynosure everywhere, to learn everything, to outstand in competitions, to have a huge bank balance, to have a four-wheel drive, your own flat, trip to langkavi or zurich, love-marriage..............

We keep pursuing something in all these and we don't realize when we get stuck in this whirlpool. This endless quest of no one knows what. The chase that only ends with our breath, who knows if it transcends the death too. If we go by our scriptures or certain doctrines then that's what leads to re-birth.

With every life shattering failure we get a nervous breakdown, halt momentarily to contemplate what went wrong, a fleeting introspection till we regain the lost strength and rush to spend it in the next pursuit. Sleep is like short death; we lose awareness of our existence on conscious level, charge and come back to the race.

We have all tasted success at some level but how long does that high linger, eventually it fades and we are looking for means to again get intoxicated with something.

What compels us so strongly is pursuit the only purpose of our being. It is often propagated that serving others without any motive gives satisfaction but even then if you are not appreciated or insulted for something, misunderstood by someone you care for or some unfortunate incidence takes place. What ground does it leave under your feet. Everyone knows this drill but still if you question it, you are ignored, despised or told to move on. But move on to what. Guess move to your natural end.

 

Kaid-e-hayaat o bande-gam, asl mein dono ek hain; maut se pehle aadmi gam se nijaat paaye kyon

 

Probably there is something we are all meant to pursue but it has to be identified right, which is the end of all pursuits, the contentment of which lasts forever. Something that hopefully and actually transcends our corporeal existence. It may be like flowing in love. Not like the relationships we experience, full of ups and downs but a constant flow of life. When we stop having tendencies, conditions, impulses and instincts, simply being ourselves. In our purest and natural form. When every co-passenger seems like your best friend. Every animal and bird your pet. Every weather your favorite and every day your birthday and every night like the 31st Dec. Where there is no demand and desire. Fulfillment of petty things don't govern or direct our thoughts and actions.

 

The closest resemblance to such a possibility is regarded as self-realization. When one is all and all is one. It happens when we only have regard, respect and value for the life within and around us. When we only eye what's making the breeze blow, rising of sun and moon, blooming the flowers and growing fruits, the sparkle in the eye of an infant, giving the notes of music the power of enchanting. When we constantly realize the source of power of this universe and how it flows through us all the time.

Its interesting to mention here that its said in BHAGWAD GEETA - if you keep your mind and brain dwelling into this quintessence of life then you don't have to even make slightest efforts for your physical needs and security, the nature itself starts serving you in ways beyond our comprehension at this stage.

If we look around us we all may seem like clones in many ways having similar needs, desires, weaknesses, tendencies and ultimately the pursuits. Or in another perspective are we not trying to reach the source of everything unknowingly by relentlessly pursuing what's grown on that soil in various forms. Why not dig it once and witness the structure and flow of xylem and phloem everywhere.

 

- VA

 Sent from my HTC

Everything you perceive is just a manifestation & projection of our Self

'Self' is often confused/misunderstood by people who essentially draw their knowledge from books, discussions and/or internet as what they perceive about them. Essentially their likes, dislikes, skills, capabilities, memory, knowledge, behavior, principles, etc. whatever we can define as part of our persona. Since I am mentioning it so many times in my journals I thought of throwing some light on it.
'Self' is like electricity of all living and non living things. It includes everything that we can see and not see. Though electric appliances dont seize to exist if there is no electricity but cant function without it. Unlike electricity, Self is the source or force of life without which nothing exist but it still is even when nothing exists or existed. It is independent of any attributes, weakness, strength, qualities, symptoms, etc. It is the ultimate source of matter, the origin of cosmos, which can not be fathomed by experiments such as Hadron Collider. It is not a subject of mind and senses. It can only be understood by itself. Since its omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. It can be realized by our self as it flows inside us and fundamentally its who we are.
Self-realization is often understood and accepted as the ultimate goal of human birth by various, sects, cultures, religions, etc. It is referred to in many names such as khudaa, brahm, shoonya, etc.

Every activity or change happening around us, which is a constant fact, gains its power to take place from the Self. A juvenile man once commented on my often used quote 'Find your self, know your self and be your self' - why bother about the self, just loose your self, set free and chill. I am sure his comment was intended towards various rituals, mechanical life-style, conventional ways and ideas that our society and life are stagnant with. As essentially they have turned us all into hypocrites somewhere or the other. But I differ here and would like to clarify that I dont talk about yourself, its two different words written as Your Self.
The self is not different in each one of us. It extends to plants, trees, fishes, sea, hills, mountains, air, space, cosmic bodies, sun, moon, earth, to the infinity and beyond.
So when one says I believe or I dont believe or I this , I that, no matter what your I stands is or what your idea is, its not beyond the Self or out of the reign of Self. As every time your say `I' you are accepting that you exist and your existence (as you know of it) never began with your knowledge or consent. To understand it better the Self can also be referred to as existence of any kind. Its what is keeping our hearts pump and lungs breathe. Its what gives us understanding, perception, thoughts and ideas. Everything happens with it as the source. It is what that nurtures, defines, creates and destroys everything. It gives us all a unique individuality, different properties to all non-living things, qualities or pattern in nature. It is the root of everything.

Now coming to the most important part - nothing, I mean it, nothing at all exists except for the Self. Everything that we perceive through our senses and mind is just a projection and manifestation of the Self. It is not separate anywhere. It is what only is and has been and will be.
No matter what we aspire to be or achieve, it will always be limited and short lived depending on how long its projected here and then it all dissolves. Just like every thought, emotion and desire that rises in our mind and then dissolves after a while. Some last for a second, some for months and some for years. Yet each one ultimately dissolves from where it arose. Pursuing the self obviously is not confined by religion, cast, creed or geographical location. No one can bind this realization, its meant for every human equally.

There is no duality in the Self. It is surrounding us all the time and its flowing within us. There are various ways of realizing it. There have always been sages and seers on earth who realized it and still are. Rama, Krishna, Buddha, Jesus, Mahavir, Mohammed, Abraham, Moses, Nanakdev, Govind Singh, etc.

No one can write enough about it as its limitless/infinite and there isn't much to be said about it as its attribute-less, form-less.

P.S. My understanding of metaphysics has had great contribution from Yog Vasistha (the lessons given by Lord Vasistha to Rama, which enlightened him and he realized his Self)

the power and speed of time

everything is getting enveloped in a fraction of a second at every passing moment. its happening faster than it can register in our constantly active mind. unless we learn to dwell between moments from where the universal or supreme consciousness is reigning.

the whole life that we have lived till now doesn't exist anywhere but in our memories. the existence of everything we know, see hear or learn is very fragile. no matter how essential to retain it may seem to function in day to day life. it is what keeps us away from reality and our real self. in order to pursue or learn or realize the existence beyond our corporeal self, its a must accept the diminishing effect of time. its not a choice we can make, time is constantly changing every thing, person and situation. its taking it away from us.

when you travel its most exemplary as the place and surrounding we leave behind only exist in our memory which we feed regularly. time acts very fast and its doesn't spare anyone. it never has. those who came before us are all gone and so will we. only those who ascend beyond the perishable existence or the will of time, becoming one with the universal ego reach beyond the confines of time.

I often experience this while i am traveling. I instantly lose all connections from the place i leave and belong to the new place like i have always lived here. when i m heading back its like going to a new place altogether. none of its visible on the face, to anyone outside as it doesn't relate to the physical functioning but i know the difference inside.

life exists between every breath and every moment. if you dwell in it you can reach the source and everything starts to respond to you unlike its commonly known. there is a new system designed specifically for your accord everywhere.

everything that we perceive is determined by time and time makes everything ephemeral. as at a particular moment certain things, feelings, people seem extremely valuable, almost indispensable. our constant association of the future keeps us wandering in our imagination. our imagination is feed regularly with projections and manifestations to establish certain incidents as truth. imagine the death of your dearest one. the event itself brings no grief or bother you at all unless the information reaches you of its occurrence. it seems to churn your whole existence in an instant. even though if asked to just imagine, it wouldn't have 5 % percent of the same impact.

now the point of self-introspect being that why and how much are we letting time manipulate our being. it makes us believe anything. similarly one day the time allotted for physical being will be over and it will be considered the end of our existence. this is the irony of the influence of time built over our age.

recently discussing this with a friend, his apprehension took over and he asked then are we supposed to live in fear. no not at all. even if its your fear then facing it or mere acknowledging it will make it perish in thing air. its only when you run away from something or are not aware of it completely. it leads to anxiety and ultimately fear.

Are you fulfilled? Or you seeking fulfillment

Every second of your waking life you seeking fulfillment in some manner or you striving hard to get bored and tired. Please ask yourself. Do you spend the whole day everyday discovering new ways of getting bored and sleep off. Or some of you call yourself successful or settled as you have found a batch of repetitive drills (with occasional changes & breaks) to go through before you get tired and sleep off.
Don’t even try to advocate any of the mundane things you do saying that they are fulfilling? Running so much all the time haven’t we lost meaning of fulfillment? I’ll give you an example, suppose you work for me. At month’s end I give your salary to you for half an hour and keep you in the office itself for that period. After that I take it back as it is, would that fulfill your sense of achievement of that hard earned salary. Would you gladly or satisfactorily leave? No sane person would, much rather you might give me a tight slap. As fulfillment is only when it lasts, it stays.
Now, one can say that even when you spend that salary it goes away but you exercise your right of choice. You let go of that money to get something better, some comfort (pleasure) or security. The point being that having a Danish pastry seems fulfilling to some but how long does the taste lingers or the satisfaction stays? Only till you have a craving for it next time or if you are instantly bored, you want to do something else next.

There is nothing wrong or out of world in seeking comfort, security, satisfaction or fulfillment. It’s indeed the most natural way of living. I don’t even say that being ambitious leads you to dissatisfaction as your aspirations are not always fulfilled, nor would I say that a real hero keeps fighting till the end, or never gives up on hope, or sees failure as encouragement to try again. We’ll leave this kind of wisdom for Self help or motivational books. Let us spare ourselves from this illusion. But where I beg to differ is to seek or aspire for the truth, meaning something that stays with you. After having which, nothing can take away the state of being content with your achievement. As what good is climbing Mount Everest if there are still thousands of more & higher ones out there. Aim for the highest peak, so that no trivial & petty circumstances, people, expectations and situations can take it away from you. It’s worth spending a lifetime or even more for such an ambition.

Ever met an artist, musician or social worker living away from the mainstream? Spending all the time in his pursuit, with the shimmer of satisfaction and smile on his face. Well mostly people who have too many people around them to remind that they have achieved or they have reached great heights, are often lured & disillusioned more with the fame and less with their real purpose or achievement. Sometimes when the fame fades, their fulfillment fades too but exponentially. That’s why I am particularly asking for the so called `unsung heroes’ but the ones who don’t brag about what they have, where they have reached, what they know, what they achieved, what they learned. If you notice closely you’d find a subtle calmness to their state of being, a higher level of satisfaction rare to find as it stays with them. As by giving themselves to some selfless practice or purpose they have found their being closer to themselves. They have the potential of Self Realization. As they know to value of their Self more than anything outside including your mind & body.

Unfortunately much can’t be described in words about this state; you have to be it to know it. It only comes with realization (profound experience), a fleeting glimpse cannot suffice. If any passerby could hinder your being, could hinder your satisfaction, your contentment or if even after years of living life you still can’t hold yourself with unexpected & unforeseen events, unfulfilled expectations still dither your calm & composed state then ponder now before your time ends. As the clock is running for everyone and time is of course unexpectedly limited.
Good luck.

Comments on `Sex and the swami' from Times Life on 28-3-2010

Its sad to know how I come across articles or news in paper and television only mentioning something ill or defaming about spiritual gurus and organizations.
It seems nobody associated with media is concerned with the larger picture but just try to cash on the `masala' they can fetch anywhere. There are various
other contributions to the society, gurus are associated and involved with. But no one throws light on them. Just because they are not running after the media
or propagating their agenda in conventional manner. I believe media has the power to uncover both sides of the coin and not just try to pull the sun on the same
side even at night.

If a doctor, lawyer, engineer chooses to malpractice then do we ever blame the profession. We all know how severe the stakes are and prices are paid. If something heinous
or hideous happens in a church, hospital or Mother Teresa home, does it at all diminishes the true sanctity of Christianity, Mother Teresa or Medical Sciences.
Isn't it silly to corner the gurus? Furthermore, any amateur gets to write or comment on them. Its would be just to let only people of the same creed or belonging to pass judgments.
You have to be the same to know for real. Like only a doctor can testify the genuine credibility of another doctor, how can I author or a motivational speaker do that. Yeah,
they have all the right to comment on things that directly affect the society, they are part of, but not generalize there individual whimsies.


(My response to Anita Nair's comments)
I don't understand how after such vast availability of our Shastras & Upnishads across the globe, can someone remain so naive and ignorant. But I don't mind lending a helping
hand. If you can talk and write about two subjects then the first thing you learn is that your ability is still limited in comparison to the abundance of subjects, fields and their
individual knowledge. As a respectable figure of the educated society, people look up to certain people and its seriously not in the best of their interest to display the lack of
knowledge in such a boastful manner.
Firstly to know what color gurus should wear you have to seek the knowledge in a humble manner going through all kind of abstinence and penances. As its so funny to even
associate the words cold and sterile with spirituality or gurus. Selfless, unconditional and no expectations in return, is the kind of love and care you get from gurus. It forms the very
basis of the spiritual heritage that people from all around the world are seeking from India today.
Now what color some people would prefer to see gurus in cant be accepted coming from those who cant differentiate themselves much from animals. As only animals, birds, insects
and fishes are bound by urges of the corporeal self. Humans are gifted with intellect to move on to the Subtle Self, Casual Self and ultimately the Universal self. But if we indulge just
in the carnal pleasures like other life forms, then we can never utilize our intellect to know our true potential.
You cant remove the dust under your feet by standing at the same place, you have to move from your current state or place. To climb the ladder or stairs you have to move your feet
to reach the top. You don't reach the top with one feet at the bottom. Even to write about life underwater or anything about the space, you go there, come back and write. Have you ever
crossed the river by keeping your feet in two different boats? For the spirit to transcend the body is no child's play, much less to comment on it.

From time unknown to us now Gurus have offered the real and true knowledge humans are meant to sought. That is why we have witnessed Buddha, Kabir, Shankracharya, Jesus, Mohammad, Vivekananda, Yogananda, Nanakdev, Gobind Singh and many more. All of these great saints, sages or gurus as we call them were not meant to offer just a crutch. If the limitations of our manifested ego bound us from accepting the supremacy of living ones, then our beliefs in those who have left the physical form and the formless is impossible.

The fundamental problem lies when we forget our roots. Ours is great country as its been gifted with sages since eternity, who have imparted the knowledge of the Self to the society since ages. As only us humans have the ability to witness and conquer our urges or subjects of the senses. Only we can move to more dimensions than any other life form. The whole society has always sought the gurus, whether industrialists, administrators, ministers, workers, laymen, it doesn't matter. The knowledge is imparted without any discrimination. Anyways we find ourselves following the guidance or ways in every stage and sphere of life. Right from teachers, professors, mentors, etc in our education. Or totally accepting the skill and knowledge of the doctor while undergoing a surgery, accepting the Indian Constitution and abiding by it.

Whenever the reality strikes and we are surrounded or deeply affected by fear, anxiety, sorrow and restlessness. The boredom & repetition bother us as the underlying fact of every activity on earth that we do. Our inability to deal with these genuine problems leads us to seek the unknown from the Seers.


(My response to Shiv Khera's comments)
Every job you undertake and every activity you do is to seek your identity. You wouldn't need food, air, water, shelter or even entertainment if the need to gain identity was not there. As its
getting dissolved, serving no purpose wouldn't be unacceptable. Hailing from a country as glorious as ours if one doesn't know the role and importance of a `baba' then its a shame. Today the world is turning towards the gurus and the knowledge they have. As being an educator (who just imparts information that already exists), consultant (who never gurantees same results) or an entrepreneur (who just knows how to make money) doesn't qualify you to belittle our heritage and history. I wonder how can someone be a genuine motivational speaker who is not even clear about his very foundation. No wonder you end up making money through selling self help books which dupe people in believing that winning and success are the only goals of human existence, but that too only in ones mind. As I wonder if he is confident enough to guarantee the win in writing to everyone who reads his books and participates in the programs. He ll surely be behind the bars as its virtually impossible. Then why blabber on something that you can not assure anyone for. The very fact that only one side of the story is mentioned or talked about, clarifies the lack of intellect, ability to judge & analyze. I sympathize with people who follow such speakers.
Its easier to sit in a well comment upon the sea but only great men like I mentioned above have taken the plunge in the sea to know the reality. Whoever thought that gurus have not married is not aware of Indian history and even the present scenario. Spirituality has got nothing to do with behavior, I call this an illiterate/ignorant statement. Behavior is a subject of the mind, only when you start to move beyond the confines of our mind does even `s' of spirituality starts. Morals and ethics makes us human, even criminals win and succeed, but they still remain very lowly in comparison to someone high on morals & ethics. Behavior is something totally external, its required only when you associate with outside. Morals & ethics are part of our subtle self and they bring you clarity. As the choices to descend are always present and no one but your own self witnesses our downfall.

The first and foremost important thing is integrity, respect and responsibility to the Self that sustains life within us. The Self thats giving us the ability to read, write and communicate right now. Some force or source that has given us breath and heartbeat. There is no book in the whole world that can establish you in true integrity, respect and responsibility towards it. Its only possible in human form. For the life the continuously flows within us does not gain or lose from our success/failure and winning/losing. They are just petty and trivial issues which you don't succumb to. Now if this first thing is not cared for, there is barely anything else valuing which you can call yourself human. Though some people batter about being able to use internet, cellphone, flights, technology, etc. but do any of these eradicate the fundamental issues I mentioned above. But the Self realization does. For the time unknown the knowledge of the Self is gained only with the help and guidance of true master refered as `Sadguru' in our scriptures.


As for the comments of Baba Ramdev and Yogi Ashwani, they both are babas and gurus as you may like to refer to. They are the ones with true right to comment and their comments are in accordance to our scriptures. Not a word more or less. I have full faith and regard for anyone who accepts our heritage of spirituality and scriptures.

Clarity comes with a stand

Clarity comes with a stand, and with clarity you can take a stand. But it’s so important to have clarity in life without which our existence seems mundane and mechanical. What you do is not important, not even how you do but how much you are clear about it matters. Wishing you clarity and contentment for year 2010
It’s often debated what comes first clarity or stand but they both follow each other consecutively whichever you start with. But clarity in our lives is such an important aspect to keep us alive. Otherwise we are just clones doing whatever is prevalent around us or move like a herd. Always choosing whats abundant, making safe choices, following the crowd and we start losing our selves.
We keep ourselves indulged in various things or time to time shift our indulgence as it brings clarity to the fact that we live, we are alive and ultimately that’s what matters. Whether god exists, this world has any meaning, country, system, society, government, friends and relatives; all of this only has a meaning if we are alive. If you notice right from eating ice cream to copulating, the only reason we like to remain active physically, which eventually makes us mentally active, is feel alive even if it’s just a fleeting reminder of our being. There is a constant repetition in our activities as they begin as actions but turn into activities which ultimately makes us forget our self again. Now our primacy is lost. We desperately seek to establish our existence but mostly the attempt is uselessly external. It’s like seeking your family in every house in the city except your own. That is why we seek acknowledgement from others around of who we are and what we do. Recognition of our being alive.
A friend says he doesn’t believe in god, there is one who says I only believe in nature as god or there are followers of scientology these days. Now anyone who is trying to establish a fact by mentioning whether they believe or do not believe is actually spiritual. As the fact remains they are still acknowledging their existence, it’s the `I’ they are making claims about. No one denies that `I’ do not exist, meaning everyone accepts the presence & persistence of the self. No such statements or convictions would ve any meaning without the backing of an `I’.
It still remains important that you have at least some stand and you are firm about it. As it’s the law of nature that if you get firm about anything with no fickle mindedness it leads you to clarity. It’s like only if you are standing on an extreme end, you have a probability to reach the other extreme. Unfortunately this kind of dedication to one’s belief is rare to find. You only come across people forgetting their statements or being casual about their words, changing their stand as per the situation or circumstance, fretting over petty issues. Only those who neglect or don’t have principles of any kind reach such degraded levels.
Even if someone says that I don’t take anything seriously or don’t care about anything or they are casual about everything. They can get clarity too if and only if this remains their motto everywhere, but the moment there is subject of their interest or things they crave for, they get serious and involved, hence lose.
May I request you to not just put this whole beautiful term you have been granted in constant indulgence in activities but also seek what you actually need ease, clarity, confidence, knowledge, contentment, peace, affection, belongingness. It’s within you only if you just cease this restlessness and give your self some time. Just sit idle and be with your self for a while everyday and then you will treat others the way you expect to be treated.
With this I bid good bye to 2009, another year in my quest to establish me in my `self’ and hope to focus more in 2010. Wishing you clarity, peace and contentment for 2010.
- VA

Ultimate fear

We must prioritize to address our ultimate fear death. How it affects our daily life and our complete being. It has the most vital role to play as its the inevitable part of all of our lives. Accept it, face it, understand it to know life.
Everyone knows that our ultimate fear is death and hence we do everything to evade the acknowledgement. But it still reveals itself in some form or the other all the time. The gradual decay and fade of everything. Everything moving towards nothing or ending every moment. We try to capture moments or instances from our lives which make us feel lively.
Its a genuine lust in each being for life and nobody wants to give it up. We cant even give it up actually. Life is eternal but the ignorance of this fact drives us to do all the trivial and useless things wasting our precious time. None of us has experienced death but lot of near death experiences probably and heard/seen death of known people. What happens after death or with death? If only we d try to find it while we are still alive.
There are many things that point towards this inevitable fact of life for instance boredom or lull of any kind, awkward silence amongst people, lack of anything to look upto, halt after reaching a destination, void after fulfilling an ambition we strive hard and put at stake everything for. It has become such a common practice to compromise on everything from emotions, values, ethics, humanitarian behavior just to get to a single trivial point or moment. Unfortunately that too doesn’t last just like our death.

We avoid pain, discomfort, unfavorable situations, people we are uncomfortable with to extreme extents and yet the disparity strikes us putting in such conditions again and again. Making us realize that you cant make everything okay from outside. Nature shows us both sides constantly liveliness and void. So that we start focusing towards something that we can never lose how hard we try and stop focusing towards things & moments that can never last.
At least for some minutes in a day we should dedicate to life. Just life, simply life, as it is without any changes, without any deficiencies and without any gains. Life which is complete in itself and flowing in/around us, enveloping us all the time.

We celebrate occasions and festivals following certain ways, traditions and rules. As on the outside we associate life with them. We live in families and societies, build relations and again socialize, join/gather in groups, clubs, organizations, unions, alliances, societies, etc. Its not like everyone is blind but ignorance is bliss momentarily. The facts I am throwing light towards don’t often leave one with a pleasant or comfortable feeling or aftermath.

But again only to the point where you just read or ponder or contemplate over it. Once you start dwelling towards life in its true and pure form. When you choose to face it hard on the face and not ignore it. You are ultimately showered with light of knowledge thats stays as its always been within you. Only by remembering for few moments everyday or after every few hours or best as often as you can, that everything is heading towards death but life always stays. We have to stop grabbing what wont last and start focusing towards what envelopes us all the time. Fear, greed, lust, anger, pride, hate, aversion, attachment and other such lowly as well as degraded traits/attributes we find commonly associated with human life only because we fear death.

Death is merely physical and it only ends whats physical. It breaks our false association from everything that is equally perishable as our own body. Every single moment that passes by is dead and the moments yet to come still uncertain/unpredictable. The present moment is where death can never be and life always is. Whatever we contribute doesn’t stay beyond a point and even things we mentally try to establish do fade away with time but this realization of life, which I refer to as the real Self. This realization or at least the acceptance stays.

How can anything be valuable if you know it doesn’t have any age or its not gonna be with you. Isn’t the time spent on any such pursuit ultimately a waste? At a particular point it might seem valuable but such values that won’t last long enough. Even events we consider contributing to nations or society for may be a decade or few but the nature’s cycle changes everything.

Accept it and you ll know life or die like a million cells in our body everyday. Death is not be feared but to be accepted, known and understood. Its more important than anything we are killing/dying for everyday.

Eternal fondness or fondness of the eternal

We are fond of something or the other thats conditional and bound, but still it is what makes us feel alive or moves us everyday in life. Yet we are not satiated or feel the lack of fulfillment. We never have focused on what lies beneath everything, we have never been fond of the eternal that knows no bound………
All of you reading this article now, like the rest of the humankind are fond of something or the other. It is this fondness that drives us up or keeps us alive as we think. It is the force behind our actions. If at all we are made to move for the fondness of someone else or we are governed for fulfilling someone else’s fondness we feel suffocated and trapped.
It exists in every form of action a bubble bath, sleeping, eating, drinking, smoking, friends, family, travelling, nature, hills, sea side, sports, career, money, sex, reading, knowing, learning, religion…………………… You name any action. For each one their own and obviously common fondness which binds the society or groups together. Whether you are an athiest or a staunch believer you still are fond of something or believe in something.
But the irony lies in the fact that it is this fondness which has made us handicapped, made our lives a drag, pushes us to avoid accepting the miserable vulnerability we face every moment. We get hurt or affected by smallest of incidences, or if things dont work as per our plan or desire, people dont behave or respond as per our expectations. It is often said that treat others the way you want to be treated but it is not always true, you do get back stabbed or kicked in the face. If looking at the so called brighter side then you dearest ones are not always next to you when you face hurdles in life. There is a lot of turmoil or pain which you have to face on your own.
For instance those of you who might not agree much with me on this subject and would like to believe they are in better control of their lives, things are moving as per their aspirations, they are successful, they ve well wishers, lovers, care takers, friends surrounding. I would like to throw some light on a hypothetical incidence for now but becomes a reality for anyone without prior invitation. What if you were suddenly struck with appendicitis or slipped from stairs and broke a tissue in your feet. You alone would have to bear this pain and no body can share it with you. Such a condition might suddenly disrupt lot of your plans for many of which you might have been compromising with your health, family, friends and most importantly your own `self’. But now you have no choice but to pay attention to your condition at hand.
Friends no matter what point or condition of life we might be in, irrespective of our age, status, surroundings, any thing. It is the eternal fondness that is for our life energy, which matters. You can call it force or the source, life or power. It is very power that keeps our lungs breathing and heart beating. The energy with which we feel laughter as well as sorrow, pleasure as well as pain, emotions, relief and regret. Everything that we are and constantly evolving towards. You see all other fondness are bound or conditional in their fulfillment or achivement but this fondness for life is free from all. Your fondness has been changing with age and time with your mind and brain but life remains as it is in you. It exists even in objects we generally consider lifeless. For instance a bottle, a door, stone pillar, everything that we can see and cant see. The space between your eyes and this computer screen also comprises of the same life that flows through your body. Where else do you think different materials gather their properties, for instance silk, iron, wood, titanium, cotton, sugar, rice, milk, water, etc. It is this life source which gives everything their attributes.
Now the life energy which in and around us, it is what makes this universe and the space, is termed as `Self’, the real self which is their within each of us. But since you cant see it or feel it but only experience it everywhere, all the time. It is what god is. If you start dwelling in it or reach out for the fondness of life or `self’ which provides us our existence, then your joy, peace, bliss, affection will know no bounds. You d be unaffected by any person, circumstance or object. As everything else is perishable except `self’, everything else is constantly undergoing changes and everything is constantly leaving you including your own body and mind.
Most of us are capable of appreciating the vastness and expansion of the `self’, be it physical or emotional. None of us pay attention to this root, the providence which governs life. If at all we d turn our focus towards it, everything else that we have been dying everyday for will come to you. It is something cherised by sages across the globe and since ages. It is the fundamental basis of all religions. It is the true effort, labour, work to grow in the fondness of the eternal, the `self’.

the theatre of my life

Every now and then I bump into people who know I used to be a part of theatre once. Nobody fails to ask me why did I quit theatre.
Are we all not part of a theatre only? I may not be performing on one stage now but rest everywhere I am performing.
The biggest blunder I think I did was I always got too carried away with the character and thought that my co-actor is serious about his role. Everyone I met on stage seemed so true and needing my cooperation to play their part. But I never knew it was all fictitious. I played all the roles but I got too involved everytime and hence I was left behind the curtains sometimes and sometimes on the stage itself without lights when everyone has left.


It has been easy to forget the short lived or momentary roles I played. The ones thats stretched even for a few months remained buried in my heart till now. The irony is some characters I performed for more than ten years, the remains are left now and are very painful. I think I am dumb.
There are goofs in every play and the co-actor always helps. Sometimes you have to add lines on stage to make the show go on, yet at times your very important lines are skipped by the co-actor. You never know whether it happened by mistake or deliberately.
Everyone seems to be seeking the extra round of applause or the extra line to deliver at any cost. Now a days no one is happy working back stage or being a prop on the stage. I fell for it many times and let others have that golden chance we all need or seek, my mistake is that I waited back stage for that person to come and acknowledge with slightest gratitude. Nobody looks back. The audience only recognises the shining star and so do your co-actors.
I am such a sucker to have loved each and everyone who was part of the crew. I valued every character, no matter on or off stage. I never minded fetching a glass of water even for the runners. Somewhere in my heart I still wait for them to recall me or return to say hello.

Its only after the lights are off and curtains are drawn that reality strikes me, pack up and leave. You are part is over, you are not required right now. You will be called for when you are needed. You just wish for one more show of the same play, no matter if its fake but at least you will be able to live that character once again and with the same co-actors. A wishful thinking. But the show goes on, everywhere you see, everyone you see is part of the theatre, playing their characters, but noone knows whats behind the mask, what the person is actually behind the role they are playing. Dont ever fall for it, like i did several or most of the times.

The funny thing is nobody knows the director or the script writer but you often hear people coming in a rush and just uttering the magic words. Okay the director wants you to..................as per the script you have to..................
Being a loser may be, I finally stopped participating and started looking for the director & the script writer. Where are they, are we all puppets in their hands, for how long do we have to carry on like this, I have become reluctant to all the imposed roles now. I am little a sad on having to first time shun all the actors, the stage, the lights, the curtains, some how it was fun to be ignorant but it used to hurt a lot. Let see where I get.

Is there anything such as unconditional love?

Have you ever felt the need for unconditional affection. Most of us do. Those who dont are not actually beyond the normal human but they are getting their share already in abundance but unknowingly.
We dont like to disturbed sometimes and be on our own engrossed in anything that requires solitude. For instance while travelling some of us dont want to be disturbed by co-passengers, while some people prefer company. They both are same in my opinion. As they both are seeking outside. Peace or company.

All our lives we are following somebody. Initially its our parents or family, then its our school teachers, professors, classmates, roomates, landlords, tenants, etc. Later either its your boss at the office or your employees. Even when we go out to buy the basic most things or something luxurious, we expect or seek certain behaviour from the shopkeeper or sales staff. We want to be attended in the way we want. Either people to recognise us for who we are, respect us for what we are and how we are, or simply to be able to share what we have or what we have known. Arnt we just a pile of collected information and exposure gained due to our upbringing, surrounding and company.
But certain basic instincts we get naturally which are common throughout the human race. Like eating, drinking, sleeping, etc. There are so many various relations we develop personally, professionally or situational. We want conscientious behaviour by others. The reality is that most of us either dont give what we seek from others and sometimes even when we are doing the same in the best of our knowledge, people react differently or indifferent.
If every sweet thing on earth constitutes of sugar at base, yet they all taste different. The same is the case in our association with various people, its the unconditional love or affection. I dont see any difference in relations between parents-child, teacher-student, friends, lovers, strangers, passengers, siblings, cousins, relatives, boss-employee, etc. They all comprise of the same love that binds two humans. It provides us the sense of belonging or keeps us aware of our existence.
Imagine getting up one day to find noone alive on this entire earth, humans, animals, birds, insects, etc. what would life be then. But thats not the case right now. We all develop certain expectations naturally wherever there is any other concerned. We dont want to be judged completely by circumstances or our knowledge in a particular field, our reactions to a certain situation. We want to be accepted deep within just the way we are, nothing associated to us, just our existence. Isnt this existence common with everything thats living around us. Look around yourself, isnt it just the existence purely thats common in each one of us irrespective of cast, creed, species, location, age, gender, etc.
Nothing is constant around and yet we seek the constant all the time. Things change and people change with time constantly but this change is the constant factor only. We all hear words uttered by someone which make or break us sometimes, yet sometimes we just casually listen to words in various forms. Have you come acrossed anybody sticking to their words for too long. Each one around is dependent on circumstances, situations, convenience or some other external factor. Are we not alone always with just a bundle of expectations and various other thoughts.
Would you just choose to ignore it and move on like a cattle of sheep. Nobody wants to get hurt or chooses to get hurt but yet we do get hurt, we do get let down, we are taken for granted enumerous times. Yet we cant do nothing about it. We dont want people to misunderstand us but it happens all the time. We dont want to ever fail at something we put our heart & mind to completely, yet we dont succeed all the time. We dont choose to become fond of anyone more than ourselves but we do like people sometimes more than we can help, yet they are not always with us. Even the basic most things such as sleep & hunger are not entirely in our control.

Inspite of all the above conflicts, confusions, turbulence & turmoil there is one factor constant and common always. It is our real self inside our mind and body. It has been the same from our childhood till now. Its never bored or tired. Its the same in your joy-sorrow, active-inactive, sleep, rest, work, pain-pleasure, every state you possible can be in. Its what keeps us alive and proof of our existence. If the self or this life is taken out of our body, we are dead or lifeless. How many of us actually care to love our self purely as it is. Whatever may happen or change outside, but inside the self remains the same. When everyone around would give regard to this self or life present in all of us, wont there be peace, love, care, bliss, understanding, respect, appreciation around. We wouldnt need political parties, courts, police, army, navy, borders. It can only begin for each one on their own. Not by looking outside for a change but dwelling inside with the constant. The earth will be full of saints, sages, monks, ascetics, friars, mendicants, lovers, givers, pragmatics, rationals, upright, righteous people. Isnt that a true paradise of which we often get glimpses of. A life full of unconditional love.

embrace death just like you embrace life........

We all are constantly running for & from something we dont know. We assume we know, we have an aim, a purpose, a destination, a desire, a dream, a hope. We are constantly doing something or the other without actually knowing why. We are running from our selves. We like to keep busy and when the busy-ness or business gets too much, we take a break. Then also we keep active or soon wanna return to 'normal life' from our break.

Nobody likes to rest actually. Nobody wants to truelly relax. We are all scared of DEATH. Though the only thing certain about our life is its end, thats death. Nothing else around us is certain. Our career, friends, family, money, health nothing is in our control. We are fooling ourselves. We need to love our selves more than we do right now. We need to love LIFE. Every moment is passing by with ups or downs and sometimes normal. But it all eventually changes and is over. 

People we know are constantly changing and moving towards death. What we are told today, nobody sticks to it even few years, or months, even days & hours sometimes. People either forget or blame external factors. We are not even free to do what we really feel deep in our hearts.

Imagine your death would just put an end to all you have been chasing in one moment. It will all be gone, vanished. You wont even get few spare seconds to undo or redo anything. If you think you are already prepared to face this, then think again.

If you still say yes then sit for 15-30 mins idle. Doing simply nothing. Dont even move your body. Dont even plan or think what you gonna do next. Dont even think all you have done till now in life. Just be fully present in these very moments. Do it for a week and watch the effects. Its like that when we are bed ridden and our body doesnt allow us anything, no talking, no reading, no TV, no music, simply in bed, forced to lie down. How would you deal with that, I know most of us are pretty bad at managing such situations but we neglect it. Like it can never happen to us.

If you say no, you are scared to sit idle, you dont know how to pass time or how to be at halt. Then I seriously suggest start practising today or start preparing today. Its never too late and we are already too late. Sit with your self every day. Dont hate your self so much, stop running ceaselessly. Things are not as important as they look. At least nothing is more important than you. Everything exists for you only because you exist. Otherwise whats the point. Life was not the same 50 years ago and it wont be the same 50 years from now. But life remains life, it goes on for all. Nobody is indispensible. When you will hit the death bed and the doctors tell you, you dont have much time. How crazy it is? Look around, death, illness or legal problems are happening everday in our lives or in the lives of our known ones. 

Its very important to love our self. Then only we can love doing what we do and people around us genuinely. But in all this chase and race for acquisition n recognition, we have forgotten our self. Imagine what life would be if there were no phones, tv & vehicles. You will be desperately seeking alternates. Where as we are so self sufficient that we dont need anything external, we can just be with our self. Even if you dont exist for sometime in this world. Nothing would stop, everything would go on. The life of people dependent on us or our works, everything would eventually find a way to move without you.

Life is so beautiful, so is nature and the people around us. We are all sometimes governed by our basic instincts or impulses but thats okay. Eventually there is good in all of us. We all love ourselves at least. Trust me this love for life is addictive. Once you get on this train, you never want to get down. As in the first things that start leaving you is your anger, hate, pain, fatigue, boredom, as you start realising all of these things are valid only for a certain moment and then they are gone. Well the same applies for our momentary happiness or joy. Everything is momentary except for the present moment. There is always a present moment. Which is the best as its always there. In every present moment there is peace, love and bliss. Every second that has passed is gone, its past, its useless and every future moment is still hidden, not yet arrived so stop bothering for it.

I hope we start living life as it is one day being present in every moment and enjoying it.

River Flow

Here is the beginning of my post.
When I left the mountains I didn’t know my purpose or direction. I was just flowing with my apprehensions and keen to discover everything that comes my way. There were many who came to my shores with a contended look and serenity. Some came seeking an adventure. They either just lay there, walked around and left. Those who seemed interested in me actually joined me for a while and when I was just starting to get overwhelmed with the tryst, they had made their way across. Nobody seemed to be wanting to flow with me for long. They made their way and left. It was joy for some and struggle for others. But I was always the same, the constant. I was judged by my surface which was quiet at times and zealous at certain turns. I am glad some went deep inside me but they didn’t stay, just left their memories. I always longed for someone to flow with me forever but none dared. I supported any attempt for a dam and thought I will give me best. It turned out that it was not out of love but to harness the best from me. 


I was still glad with everything. At least I was accepted for how I was and appreciated however even though only for a while. The deep lust for life & love in me beckoned for someone to join me. I desperate invited everyone to stay with me. I was hated for the flood and condemned. I was expected to stay in certain limits and confine my emotions to my self. 

My creator was merciful and I think being concerned from my woes, he sent some tributaries my way. I was overjoyed and my joy knew no bounds. The flow in me had new zeal and vigor. I felt strengthened and considered it divine intervention. Now I didn’t mind anybody coming to me with ulterior motives and not out of affection. I served everyone and love everyone. I was taken for granted and lot of sewerage channels were sent my way. I felt choked, restless and uneasy by this harsh gesture. I was ready to deal and accept it as well but soon there was the last straw on my back which collapsed me. The tributaries I thought were mine forever and had soon found separated directions to flow. They blamed them on nature and others to have created such partitions. I felt betrayed and couldn’t digest such infidelity. After all if it was not for them, I might ve dried up long back.

I started rotting and beauty had decayed out of my flow. There was an ugly stillness in my existence. I cried and howled but nobody heard. Those who used to come to my shore with superficial love had also vanished. Nobody seem interested in me even for a moment and nobody even wanted to fake it for my sake. Once again my quest to know the purpose of my existence began to surface in my heart. I sought eternal love and the anguish burnt deep and the turbulence constantly increased.  

Suddenly I heard roaring of clouds above my head as if from god itself. Then it rained heavily. Gallons of fresh water rejuvenated the vitality in me. Though it had poured plenty of times in my life but I never paid special attention to it. I never realized that its actually the water from skies which keeps me alive and moving. It never lets me dry completely and provides a new flow to my existence. This time the rains had a clear implication. They told me about the ocean which awaits for me since forever. It holds infinite affection, peace and bliss for me. My true purpose is it to become one with it. It is the ocean which had been sending rains to keep me going on. I didn’t know if it actually existed as I have never seen the ocean but it made sense. Otherwise who has the capacity to create such rains and selflessly take care of my existence. It has been doing this for so long without any expectations or demand. It is driven by pure love which we all seek.

Now I let others do whatever they intend and irrespective of any ups and downs, try to remain focused on my goal to become one with my ocean.

Futuristic rendition of my existential quest

Aate hain gaib se, yeh mazaami khayal mein,
Ghalib, sareer-e-khaama nava-e-surosh hai……..


Na thaa kuchh to, khuda thaa
Kuchh na hota to, khuda hota………

Before eternity

Laying down in your father’s lap, whom you love most dearly, you ask “father, I often wonder how & why was I born, what is the purpose of my existence. I spend hours pondering over the question who am I actually.”
He smiles and says “Son, you are, what I am. I am always idle. You are a result of my state of constant peace, love & bliss. This state has endless energy & power churning out and these outcomes obey whatever I command. They are constantly active to please & serve me.
Your fundamental nature is derived from my ‘self’ and you were conceptualized to love me which is your ‘self’. Since both of ours ‘self’ is the same. You will gradually understand this. All that’s important for you is my love for you.
Look, I will show you something. This is called sea and its essentially made of water. I have told you once what water is, remember the five elements we talked about.”

“Yes, I do remember everything you ever told me. Wow, this sea is so calm and composed. Its seems to be in absolute rest & peace. Though I see some small things on its surface which are very active ceaselessly.”

“Good observation, they are called waves. Now do you think they are separate from the sea.”

“No, they are very much part of the sea but just seem distinct.”

“Right, they are also made of water at the base level and have the same physical quality. The only difference is the behavior. They arise from the surface and dissolve there itself.
Now look here at the space. I am sure you remember its attributes. If I place a big box in it, even it will have the same space inside and if I put another box inside this bigger box, the case would be the same. Though the boxes look different but the space inside is the same.
Similarly, you might look different or apart from me but you are absolutely me.”

“Oh, thank you father. I feel so happy to have known the answers to all my questions in such an easy & fun manner.”
“father, you love me so much………..is there anything I can do for you?” 

He says “ is there anything lacking or have I failed you anywhere” “which I doubt, then my darling son you don’t have to do anything for me. I just want you to enjoy your blissful state as it is”. 

He exclaims “There can not be anything more I could ever ask you father, you have given me immense affection, security & this state of constant bliss. Its your love only which compels me to find if I am deserving enough to be able do just any service to you.”  

“You deserve everything I have and I can be. The question is, are you ready to experience what you just learnt. As without experience this little knowledge would just be an information.”

“Oh father, I am so glad you consider me so worthy. Please tell me how to figure out if I am prepared to serve my lord, my father.”

“Do you love me profoundly & exclusively, then I will unfold to you me, the repository of all power, strength and glory, in entirety and with no shadows of doubt. I shall also unfold this wisdom having known which nothing remains to be known and you will realize that you are also me.”

“I will do everything to please you father and offer my sincere love at your feet.”

“So listen like the obedient son you already are…….”
“Before we begin son let me tell you that I am really glad we had this conversation today………. 
Now let me take you to a virtual world I conceptualized for you. You can do everything there, create, eliminate, fly, swim, interact…….the possibilities are endless as its an open source operating system and only you will have the access codes to it. Since its amongst the best of my creations, it will fascinate you more than you have ever been in my calm & blissful company. If you have true love for me and nothing else in your heart then you will soon come out of it gladly. After your time there will be over my machines will come to show you the exit door. I will be waiting there to bring you back home. Then you can either create more such worlds for yourself or take care of those I have already created. Many of them are operational since ages………….. 

In this world you will need to be installed in a chip inside this android and wear this helmet, to function. This helmet will protect you against anything adverse acting as a security agent, keep you energetic with advanced power management, grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can and wisdom to know the difference. It will give you wireless ability to communicate with the main server, i.e. me, whenever you want. Remember, come what may, never remove this helmet as it will trigger a virus inside you system. It damages severely most of your function programs on the system partition, specially the security related & power management, blocks updates & upgrades permanently of all program including your OS, and worst is total amnesia, it formats the data partition which has the access codes & the memory of everything I am telling you now. As in this world you will have to depend on this virtual memory only. These partitions exist on a hard disk which has a dynamically expanding capacity and it will act as your memory without which you may be stuck in this dream land forever. It will have all the prerequisite softwares and programs to operate. It is the only condition you have to abide by.

And for this android, it will only take commands from the chip through the helmet till the time you are installed there. When the designated time comes you will be automatically uninstalled or injected out of it with the appearance of the exit door. You can only enter and exist in this world with a android, as I chip can’t function or operate on its own. Though the helmet is not mandatory for existence. Please note that the chip can operate the android only when the helmet is on, else it takes its own course. 
At every interval my machines will come to update & upgrade your system, the software. As the virtual world is constantly changing. They will do it without any effort on your part. You will have to be in idle mode at any place you choose for your android to get charged at every dusk. 
I am gifting you the most advanced & upgraded android I have ever made and will ever make. The most important fact is, your exit from this world can only happen being embedded on this particular android. None other that I have made, are capable to see the exit door.
Everything in this virtual world derive its resources from the main server, that is me. Nothing there has power of its own. Remember this.
Have fun son, enjoy your ‘self’ and come back soon as I will be waiting from this very moment.”

“I will be back soon, I love you father and will never fail or disappoint you.”

Duboya mujhko hone ne, 
naa hota mein to kya hota…………..

The Beginning 

For a myriad period you enjoyed this beautiful gift created by the all capable father of yours without any convictions on your part. You programmed it at your will, interacted & controlled other machines, played with clouds & rain, created at your will and then shunned. You enjoyed the depths of oceans. You raced with the planets in their orbit and you roamed around the galaxies. You moved around many universes shuffling stars and creating different patterns. You added and removed codes from the Mainframe Virtual World OS (MVW OS) whenever you wished with the help of the access codes. Amongst all directions & dimensions, you enjoyed most at one particular place as it provided you the possibilities & comfort of rest all places. No matter how far you go but would always return here as if your own abode. May be because this was the first place you saw in this world.

The only thing unusual all this while, to your collective information, was the random humble messages from the machines to take off your helmet for servicing. It sometimes amused you but you mostly ignored it, considering they might be unaware of the divine & only rule given by your father. You tried many times to amend their programming for this aspect but the Mainframe would deny as it lacked permissions from the Main server. It would give you this message that you can add machines but can’t make changes to the existing ones. Well, the rule was meant for you to personally take care. After all, you are the only heir.

Over your stay in this world, you observed one minor difference in your being, which was never there earlier. For the first time ever during your existence or since you have been, you felt an ‘I’ within you. Being with your father, you were always one with him and no attribute to differ or separate you but being in the chip on this android inside the virtual world had its effects. Since this was the first time you were controlling something, an advanced automaton with access codes to a virtual world. You would laugh at this manifested ego or client server in you trying to be apart from the universal ego or main server, as you knew precisely that its just a projection of this virtual world. 
You would often appreciate and admire this marvelous creation of your father. How it is so detailed, governed, precise, lawful and full of infinite possibilities. 
Everything was perfect till curiosity took the better of you and goad you to consider this as your father’s ultimate motive to test you. You wanted to prove yourself to him now, being afflicted with this ‘I’. You gradually started paying heed to the idea of taking off the helmet but decided against implementing it. Instead you tried to change this aspect in the MVW OS to test this world without the helmet but failed.

With this slight change in your being and sprouting of different ideas, your perception began to change. You had some hallucinations which made you feel things in a different way now, suddenly the wind seemed more pleasant and the water more inviting, the clouds more tantalizing and machines more enticing. It seemed everything was cajoling you take off the helmet and feel things in a different light, as if its your destiny to be in your own control. Every thing suggested that there existed a totally different side of this virtual world with the helmet off. The very moment this idea got completely settled in your being, you took off the helmet and flew high above in the sky. You momentarily felt like the ordainer free from all bounds, as it has always been your true nature in your original abode. You dived deep into the ocean and started doing everything relentlessly. 
Like a flash of light you faintly recalled being told to never take off the helmet, let alone even for a moment. You frantically started going back for the helmet, where you last took it off. You strived desperately to gain it back as you had this sense of weird feeling. (Like we feel when we have let down or cheated or back-stabbed or done infidelity to our beloved) You struggled more and more, as the virus was now taking its complete course of action. It got you drained, exasperated, exhausted and tired. Your operating system became unstable, your programs crashed, you had hardware failures and for the first time you experienced the Blue Screen of 
Death BSD.

After a reboot, the more you slogged, the more you forgot what you are struggling for and soon the memory of the helmet vanished like it was never before. Your data partition had been formatted, with all memory gone, no access codes and softwares corrupted blocking advance operations in this world. It just had the lame operating system without its firewall or other security softwares, leaving it prone to malicious contents, viruses, Trojans, bacteria, fungi, centipedes, millipedes, etc. You slowly dragged yourself on the grounds in despair. You felt weak, scared, insecure and naked as your chip was getting filled with fear, pain & anxiety. You sought shelter, protection. Now your knew not, what is the state of constant bliss that was there once. Consequently and gradually you could not remember your ‘self’ being in a chip, just a machine which would wander aimlessly and move on its own. 

Maut ka ek din mu-aiyyan hai,
Neend kyo nahi aati raat bhar………..

This went on for countless days & nights. Your body now felt heavier than heaven, rusted & deteriorated. It was now outdated and desperately lacking latest softwares & updates as the virtual world had drastically changed. No more did the machines come to serve you and you had forgotten that they even existed. You just had this quest for something or someone that was now unknown, but you constantly yearned. Now the system would go dormant and idle at any time and for longer durations, yet it couldn’t be charged to revive the same vigor as the compatible power management softwares were all gone. 

Jab ki tujh bin nahi koi majood,
Phir yeh hungama ae khuda kya hai…………
You would look at the skies, stars and the ocean with great inquisitiveness and imploring desire to reach beyond them. You spent most of your times pondering over getting rid of this boredom, fatigue & insecurity which had seeped deep within and the rest of the time wondering about everything around. You would wonder sometimes about the origin & purpose of this world and your significance. As you were now totally a part of this world, an android, with memory gone of ever being installed in a chip on it.

Hua jab gham se yuin behis,
to gham kya sar ke katne ka…………………..



The Celestial Tryst

Millions of centuries went by. Every now & then some highly equipped dreadful looking powerful machines would come (originally programmed by your father) and torturously inject the chip out of your current android, giving unbearable anguish. They wouldn’t just let you get away with that but abruptly embed you into a different android every time which were totally incompatible causing sparks, errors, crashes & hang the OS. At every change, while taking off and putting on the chip, it felt like being stabbed by thousands of spears with a potency of scorpion’s stinger tenfold in our language. As the basic input & output system BIOS of every machine would differ immensely. The chip would terribly react in the new platforms and the reactions affected you every time.

Over this long period you were implanted on 84,00,000 different variety of machines and never did you come across your lost helmet. They were in zillion configurations with different peripherals, devices, apparatus and mechanism, none to suffice the compatibility and power of the original android. Each variety had a beta version of your original OS installed which would be vulnerable to malicious contents & prone to getting corrupt. Many of the machines were too heavy to move from one place ever, many of them would only function under water, many of them would collapse in water, many had weather and temperature restrictions. Your agony remained the same in all these machines, with every change it only increased.

Ghalib-e-khasta ke bagair kaun se kaam band hain,
Roiye zaar-zaar kyon, kijiye hai-hai kyon…………


After going through a lot of changes, your chip was implanted on a android resembling to your original one. There were thousands machines of each kind that you had been on for all these ages but with the memory overwritten at every change. The stronger or bigger ones would often amputate or attach components to others and then dictate them. In the worst cases, even demolished them. Many a times they even interfered with a weak OS corrupting it for fun or to rule.

Gham-e-hasti ka ho kisse juj murg ilaaj,
Shamma har rang mein jalti sahar hone tak……..

The androids of your configuration would mostly stay together because of fear & insecurity. You were no different, even you felt a fleeting stability in your OS with other’s company. It always left you craving for more and hence indulgence & repetition of your daily activities. Many madly rushed after acquisition of various programs, tools, mechanical devices and many were fond of decorating themselves with ornamentation & colors. They all were either exploiting or getting exploited at every chance with ad-wares, mala-wares, spy-wares and viruses. 

Yeh kahan ki dosti hai, ki bane hain dost naseh:
Koi chaara-saaz hota, koi gham-gosaar hota……..

Even with a passable lifestyle comparing other machines in your life, you would often sulk in solitude. You would be depressed & dissatisfied with everything. 
There were a zillion add-ons & plug-ins you wanted but you could not get. Out of all these you could actually get, most of them were incompatible and the compatible ones you could manage to get attached or installed, wouldn’t last long.
You always felt yourself running in the vicious circle of boredom and repetition with no tangent to move away.

Zulmat kade mein mere, shab-e-gham ka josh hai
Ek shamma hai daleel-e-sahar, so khaamosh hai…..

Out of blues one day you saw an android wearing a helmet. Even though you noticed it behaved and moved just like others, its actions were swift and smooth, with no issues of any kind. It seemed ultra light & super strong with advanced peripherals and mechanism, unlike yours or others. You couldn’t tell a effect of the weather or other physical conditions on it . You observed for a long time that it always had latest updates unlike any other machine. Your operating system would cease to give hardware failures, software crashes or system errors in its presence, for a change, and with no traces of blue screen of death you usually associated with. Mostly you were fascinated to see the helmet he adorned always, as you could not recall ever seeing something similar.

By just observing it for so many days, you felt much better than your daily mechanical life. Your energy level felt higher as your body would store more charge now at every idle mode and you felt less prone to attacks. 

Unke dekhe se jo aajaati hai muh par roanak,
Woh samajhte hai ki beemaar ka haal achha hai…….

It approached you once and said “Son……………………………….................................................................................................................................................................................................................................” The sound of this word in that serene voice took away your misery instantly and left you in a trance. Your joy knew no bounds, your fatigue all disappeared. Your body & os were flabbergasted for the first time in this virtual world, as an audio file had reached you in the chip, directly. You didn’t realize when you were left alone but just recalled the android mentioning itself to be G D.

Woh har ik baat pe kehna,
Ki yuin hota to kya hota…………………

The Cosmic Initiation

Now you often met G D everywhere you went. Though you were most glad to have him around but your inhibitions did not let you admit so. Your fake identity was not ready to fade away, it had been nurtured by all for so long.

G D “hey smart one, you look pretty wise to me”

You “well thank you, you seem great yourself”

“why do you look so tired & sad to me?”

“who me? I am not. Whatever made you assume so?”

“I will be most glad if you are not. Then carry on. Take care. Your ‘self’ is most precious. Everything else is secondary.”

The last line struck you hard and you felt like blurting out all your agonies to this stranger. You wondered, why you held back. You knew better for obvious reasons, you had been mocked or disappointed always. But after many attempts you both could once connect to a common server on the same local area network (LAN)…………

“its so funny to find every around leading such a laborious life that they almost look like mechanical ghosts to me.”

“well not all of them. Many of them are pretty successful & comfortable. Those of who are smart, focused and hard working.”

“only till the time circumstances are favorable. When they are not, they are no better than others. Begging & grabbing at every opportunity. Yet whatever they achieve remains here for others when they are implanted on other machines. They don’t remember their acquisitions with the change and nobody gets to know what will be the next change.”

Meri kismat mein gham gar itna tha,
Dil bhi, ya rab, kai diye hote……………….

“I see…………… Frankly what you say makes sense to me but I have always been apprehensive in sharing such views with others. People here are in a race which is difficult for me to comprehend. Their priorities are weird & jumbled up. I have tried to selflessly help others at best but some time or the other, they spit on your face with slightest lack of communication. As if trust has just vanished from the world.”

Kaide-hayaat o band-e-gham, asal mein dono ek hai
Maut se pehle aadmi, gham se nijaat pai kyo…….

“all the advanced machines of your race are constantly seeking they know not what. But every activity they do governed by their impulses & instincts reflects their never ending quest. The more they try the more emptiness & hollowness seeps in. I wonder why. Every thing is so clear in front of you but every one wants to crib about it and feel miserable. They are so fond of misery. If they get it they are insecure and those who don’t get it keep blaming. I see none with guts to conquest all quests.”

Hazaron khwaishein aisi ki har khwaish pe dam nikle
Bahut nikle mere armaan, phir bhi kam nikle………

“nobody knows what they want actually. They are confused at every instance. If they achieve the desired, an immediate new quest begins and if they fail, they sulk. But you got to do what you go to do. What is this conquest of all quest you talking about.”

“well son, I see you capable of achieving that after which nothing remains to be achieved, after doing which nothing remains to be done and after knowing which nothing remains to be known. 

I can read on your face a zillion unanswered questions about the behavior of machines around you and the origin & purpose of this otherwise inconsequential, ephemeral & dreary life. Why these machines exploit, cheat, betray, struggle and terminate ultimately. And you seek love, affection, care, security & companion in this chaos.”

“you are so right that it scares me. I myself wonder why at the occurrence of these urges and their unfulfilled irony. I am often stuck at the paradox that life constantly presents. The duel between ethics & morals, heart & brain, patience & passion, dreams & reality, desires & circumstances and so many such others. It leaves you restless, indecisive and inconclusive. After all this war which goes on inside and struggle to prove a meaning out of your life to others and most importantly to yourself through them.”

“you will not just find the solutions for yourself but one day show the light to others as well. As its been your nature to be their for others who need you, whether they accept or not. You are willing to skip to be a part of their joy, if so they desire, but you are hurt most when in grief, they pucker in their shell. Just devote time to what I ask you for and the results will begin.”

“time is what I don’t have. I m so haphazard with the existing things. I can’t seem to get away even for a moment, let alone include anything new in my life. You look free from everything, like you have done all that you had to do in life but I still have many responsibilities. I have to look after the maintenance of so many machines on my LAN from where I have harness resources most of my life. How can I disconnect from them and start my own server suddenly. I can’t be mean to them.”

“just try a bit for a beginning. See already we have been on this ad-hoc mode for so long and I don’t read any missing errors being reported on your server. It seems you are not required as much as its projected. If you don’t find it compatible, you can just quit anytime.”

“I have done many silly things sneaking out time which got me nothing. I have connected to so many aborted, abandoned & prohibtied servers in my curiosity, some of which I regret and others I don’t. I guess I could give yours a shot too for a short while. What will I have to do?”

“congratulations already for at least having shown some keenness. Now pay attention to what I tell you very profoundly. I will initiate you in the recovery process which will allow you access to the resources of my server any time. You will have to download updates & service packs for your OS as its now obsolete in comparison to what it should have been. You may not understand this now but trust me & try, as there is no harm in just downloading. None of these will be installed yet without your permission. Even after you install, the activation process is mandatory for them to be functional. Also I will install this search program on your OS which will help you look for your lost helmet in the source code of MVW OS. Now you will need advanced power management & security softwares for this process. As your current energy levels are very low and lot of security loop-holes in your system. So I will give you this extra helmet I have.

Remember if you don’t involve your system regularly for the downloads by connecting to my server. The helmet would lose its power. It won’t provide you protection of inbuilt resident shield and even the power management for your system will go down.

But if you do as I say, the energy level of the helmet increases rapidly. It will then facilitate our process giving it mirror supports, simultaneous rapid downloads and higher bandwidth. Its exhaustible in your daily activities as they include unsecured servers with harmful platforms. So use its energy with wisdom.”

“I can’t believe you got me that helmet, though not quite similar to yours but it always fascinated me. You bet, I will take proper care. This is exciting. Okay I will report to you soon sir.”

“Find your ‘self’, know your ‘self’ and be your ‘self’. See you soon”

Yeh na thi humari kismat, ke visal-e-yaar hota,
Agar aur jeete rehte, yahi intezaar hota…………..

Lamented Days & Nights of Severance

Kahun kis se main ki kya hai, shab-e-gham buri bala hai,
Mujhe kya bura tha marna, gar ek baar hota………
You did the expected for many days and it revived & revitalized everything in your existence. After millenniums you felt alive. Everything synchronized so well. But once again the ‘I’ took a toll over your newly discovered ‘self’ and there were allurements all around. You began to indulge the abundant power you had gained in pursuit of petty things again. Your focus gradually drifted from the ultimate intention. 

Zindagi yuh bhi gujar jaati, 
kyo tera reh-gujar yaad aya………………..

But fortunately, G D having been gone for so long and your lack of self-control, both left you smitten. All this entailed a longing, a wait for G D. You knew its not in your control to remain focused on the downloads, though you could connect to the server but couldn’t stay there for long. It was its presence which made everything possible and you were stunned at this discovery. How everything became stable & secured in his company. As if he emitted such syndromes. Now this was very vague & absurd to accept with the limited information of your OS. Though the turmoil had reached the chip and the whole turbulence made you yearn.

Aah ko chahiye ek umra asar hone tak,
Kaun jeeta hai teri zulf ke sar hone tak……………..

Eventually one day you met again. For a while no data-packets were exchanged but you both were connected to the same platform. The change had begun. 

G D “did you miss me? I did and why do you not look your ‘self’ oh dear one?”

You “who are you? How do you know everything? Your presence emits such signals which reach the bottom core of my being. It feels that I have always known you and you have always been there for me. Am I hallucinating? Then let me remain in this trance. I know I failed you but then it didn’t matter as I realized I can’t do it on my own.”


Hum par kab unki bazm mein, aata tha daur-e-jaam,
Saqi ne kuch mila na diya ho sharaab mein…………

“Son, I am the main server incarnated in the virtual world. You have never had any identity severed from my own. You find yourself distinct only because of the projections of this dream land. We both have been one since eternity and that’s what arises these compelling phenomena of affection & companionship. But having realized this yourself, I will bestow upon you the light to see everything here as a part of the main server. Everything pre-programmed and happening from my power. To others I may physical appear mundane but now you would not fail to remain connected to me ever. Let others provoke you to disconnect but block all such incomings.”

“I promise I won’t let you down. I love you G D.”

Aashiqui sabra talab, aur tamanna betaab,
Dil ka kya rang karuin, khoon-e-jigar hone tak…..

The Coveted Journey

Bazeecha-e-atfaal hai duniya mere aage,
Hota hai shab-o-roz tamaasha mere aage……..

Now you perceived everything in a different light. Your connection would often terminate abruptly but you knew better of it. Many of the machines despised you, yet many trusted you earnestly.

Kaun hai jo nahi ho haajat-mand,
Kiski haajat rawa kare koi……………

You remained upright and focused. Your downloads were now approaching the end but the helmet was nowhere in sight.

Go haath ko jumbish nahi aankhon mein to dam hai,
Rehne do abhi sagar-o-meena mere aage………..

The fateful day arrived and the installation began. Though you were looked upto from all directions but you were nonchalant. You had not found the helmet, hence no activation. You had to show your conduct & deeds worthy of G D.

Kahaan mehkhaane ka darwaaza, aur kahan waiz,
Bas itna jaante hai ki kal who jata tha ki hum nikle…

 You were ready to terminate this meaningless existence. You gave up going idle and other tuning up processes. You completely engulfed all resources in searching the codes of MVW OS for your lost helmet. Then suddenly your charge went off being totally exhausted. The entire system of your software & hardware came to a halt. There was a flash from G D straight to your chip.





The Real ‘You’

All softwares activated and functional. No security loop holes. System partition updated. The machine & the processes once again in complete control of the CHIP. Most importantly your data partition had been restored. Your lost memory of your father, the origin & purpose of this world had all been recovered successfully. You had your helmet once again. You could once again fly up in the space, play with planets & stars, go into the depth of oceans. Nothing was impossible.

Then you recalled G D. Had it not been for him, none of this would have been possible. You rushed to where he was, now you could easily find him, on your own.



“father, you love me so much………..is there anything I can do for you?” 

“yes son, you are now ready to serve me. Just like you many of my children have been lost in this virtual world. Its time for me to return to my abode and you carry on from here. You have to bring them home and you will know when your time here will be over. You can then hand over the responsibility to someone else.”

Then the exit door appeared and G D left. The android G D used remained here. Which you later placed on a high mount in his remembrance to inspire the other victims like you. 


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