Sense of degradation

निकलना खुल्द से आदम का  सुनते आयें हैं लेकिन बड़े बेआबरु होकर तेरे कूचे से हम निकले । by Mirza Ghalib

Its been experienced by different men over ages ever since our existence began. There is always an underlying sense of degradation within us through out our lives. No matter how many ways & attempts we discover & invent to be constantly happy but they all fail miserably. Human mind is like a special infant which can never be satisfied.

The couplet above speaks of the shame of Adam upon being banished from the garden of Eden. The poet expresses his similar tribulation of being part of the creator once and now longs to rejoin him but always returns disappointing from his doorstep.

न था कुछ तो खुदा था , कुछ न होता तो खुदा होता , डुबोया मुझको होने ने, न होता मैं तो क्या होता !  by Mirza Ghalib

"My being was my undoing. Your gift of life - with all its woes and travails to wring some happiness and contentment from - conferred hardly any benefit on me. In fact, it was my undoing. In Your scheme, what difference do I make? I was much better off when I was a part of you. I wish I had remainded that way."

excerpt from the book - Diwan -e - Ghalib by T. P. Issar

There is an incessant battle going on where everyone is endeavoring to achieve the state of constant. Every little desire and wish that strikes our mind makes it restless & uneasy and we immediately start striving to gain the same state we were in before it happened. The peace & contentment found is of coming back to the way we were but the illusion is such that we confuse it to be coming from the fulfillment of that quest. Our life becomes a malady of this struggle forever until deathconsumes us.

Though its difficult to understand & explain how we came to be, if we were once supposedly part of the almighty. There are various relegions & sects that have attempted to answer this question but the bitter truth is it can only be known but not passed on. As this answer lies within everyone of us to realize it ourselves and not be given to us from outside by somebody else. No object, person or situation is permanent and hence its influence or impact lasts momentarily. Anything that is fleeting cannot yield something that will last forever.

On the other hand if we were never part of something that formed our origin then there is nowhere to reach. Can we simply go on doing whatever strikes our fancy, whatever comes easy, whatever is convenient? Isnt there any consequence of our action? Then why humans are born different and expereince seperate level of pain & pleasure. Why does some have to struggle to achieve what others are born with? Is there a way out? Can we resign from being at all? Can we choose to not exist? Is suicide ever a solution for the pains in one's life or are they carried to next birth?

If we have developed a highly advanced & functional society with government today, is it really any different from what life might have been fundamentally 2000 years ago or was it different from what it was 5000 years ago. We as humans have experienced joy, hate, love, anger, jealousy, lust, greed, pain, fear, anxiety in the same manner forever. What progress can we really make or have we made in our evolution & civilization?

 जिन खोजा तिन पाइया, गहरे पानी पैठ, मैं बापड़ा डूबन  डरा, रहा किनारे बैठ। (Author - not sure)

Its a very comman saying and a meaninful one too. We have to find our answers and meaning to our existence. There has to be a way to end this cycle of degradation. The feeling of our life being controlled by external forces or power. We should be in capacity to choose. We should be able to choose when our life ends. There should be no accidents & illness without our permission. Our success & failure shouldnt approach us without our knowing in prior or it should not have any affect on us. Nobody should be able inflict fear & pain on us. There has to be a key to limitless joy & peace. Lets find our lost kingdom.

Making love out of nothing at all

The most intense form of sensory pleasure that we humans can experience is having sex.  It engages all our five senses and mind at the same time. There is no other feeling more overwhelming than the contentment drawn from this act. The only catch is you need another person to fully enjoy it, participate with, similar mood and attraction. We like to share something we enjoy most by default with the person closest or most important to us, namely our spouse/lover. But doing an activity together doesnt make it an expression of your love. 

Its ironic that the person you start having physical relations with suddenly holds paramount importance in your life. We go all out for them, even out of our way to please them. I have observed to the extent that people behave out of character, go below self-esteem to win the appreciation of their desired one. Even though our family members are the first ones to  take care of us in myriad selfless ways but our sexual partner gets all the privileges and priority. 

Whoever coined the phrase 'making love' surely did so in throes of passion of carnal desires. As it means two people having sex and it has nothing to do with love. If its actually love then why is it restricted to just one relationship at a time. It doesn't extend to everybody you claim to love in your life. How do you differentiate between love in your various relations? We obviously claim to love our friends, relatives, family without a hint of sexuality. Our society allows us to have multiple platonic relations with members of opposite gender but directs us for only one sexual relation at a time and should not include family members (incest), as polygamy and incest may have disrupting & corrupting effects and implications. There can be a chaos of jealousy, dominance and possessiveness. Many a crimes have been known as a result of a person not able to tame their sexual desires and fantasies. They use any foul means possible to achieve its fulfillment like taking advantage of helplessness or forcing themselves on others. 

How does act of copulation depict an expression of love? We dont express it to everyone we love and nor do we harbor the fantasy of expressing it. At times when we cross the taboo line of being sexual with someone we are not supposed to. Its very common for people to hide it to great lengths, when they fail to do so life becomes miserable. As the guilt burdens them incessantly. Yet occurrence of such weakness is fairly well known and common to us humans. 

Sex is pure lust and its an animal instinct in us like many others. As most animals dont differentiate while choosing their mating partner. I suppose labeling it to be lust is belittlement for some people. As lust may be seen as something degraded and uncivilized where as an act of love is all pious (pun intended). The purpose of sex is simply procreation and not recreation. If we claim it to be a right given by nature to exercise & exploit then why use artificial means of contraception available today. As  earth would be bursting with human population without control.   

I often find it very funny to observe that most couples when go for social purpose, dress up there best. Many a times you can find women dressed in a very provocative and revealing manner even when casually stepping out. But then everybody has there own definitions these days. If those women are already with their partners (lovers and spouses) then they have no reason to attract more attention to their physical beauty. Isnt the whole idea of looking sexually desirable meant for your partner’s eyes only? They shouldnt have any motive to look enticing in least manner. Yet you see everyone proud to flaunt the looks of their companion and often gift fancy attire to highlight it. They would try to look as attractive as possible and go at lengths by spending time, money & energy to achieve the effect. In case of singles its very well understandable but for the rest of them, its beyond thinkable for my feeble mind. You find profile pictures and photo ablums on various social media where people are deliberately posing dressed up in a way only your spouse/lover should see you. But as long as its not nightwear/lingerie, its accepted as normal. Some even say, if you have it then why not flaunt it.

Its normal and natural for adults to engage in sex with consent of your partner. I always advise couples to only do so at rare occasions. Its a beautiful experience to share. But if something is worth cherishing and easily accessible then we tend to over do it. Excess of everything will render it without charm. You can use that time to spend quality time with your beloved in various other ways. Its just like cutting cake on your birthday and anniversary. Its something meant for special occasions only. Doing it often will ultimately make one of the partner lose interest? It can get very difficult when only one of you is in the mood. The frequency of sex with your partner is not a parameter of love for that person. Once you have done it enough for few years then the sex life becomes pale and dull. Lack of sexual excitement with your partner becomes a major reason of failing relations, falling marriages and then they seek to spice things up in any which way. Even after a quarrel or differences, couples seek to make up with sex for reassurance. Its just the opposite approach of what should be. If you maintain a decent gap then such loss wouldnt happen in the first place. If you see the same scenery for few years then it becomes boring. Similarly couples while engaging into copulation with full lights on or during day time are prone to lose interest in each other very easily. As after a while the same body having repeatedly seen, doesnt arouse desires. They feel helpless as sexual needs are still there but the lack of gratification makes them wander mentally.

Anger and lust are form of same force within us. When under influence we tend to forgo everything important around us. Where anger always leads to devastating effects, lust when unchained & unchartered can lead to worse havocs. Just like anger needs to be managed and controlled, so is lust. Both being natural impulses doesnt mean we can or should express it as and when we desire. The one who can fathom this and rise above both can achieve unthinkable heights.

Celibacy is a way of life for rare few on earth. People of different cultures, countries, civilizations have observed great benefits of it at different era of time. But its value has been universally acknowledged. Sportsmen, scholars, researchers, scientists, philosophers, thinkers and spiritualpractitioners stress upon abstaining from sex to conserve our physical, mental and psychic energies. Such energy can then be utilized anywhere we focus it. After all its this energy that leads to creation of another life like us.  

 

you can't see if you always keep looking

Even though we are always looking for what we seek knowingly and unknowingly, we cant see it. The most profound and evident feelings, emotions and experience cant be seen with our naked eyes. It requires delving inside. We all have felt at some point ecstatic joy & happiness. It doesnt matter what was its triggering cause as the source always remains in our heart. Whether it is a warm embrace of our beloved one, excessive sensory pleasure, affection from your mother, holding your child, etc. We tend to close our eyes to let it engulf our very existence for that moment, to savour it fully. Even something that hasnt got anything to do with emotions like a perfect breeze, we have to close our eyes to cherish it. Its an involuntary action. As these are some of the most beautiful moments of our life and our eyes arent required to see them. We keep looking to increasingly experience such joy or enhance it but cant see it anywhere. It just happens when it has to happen.

If only one could identify the exact location of the rise and dissolve of this wonderful feeling that emanates in our heart, we wouldnt be dependent for its trigger. May be even hold on to it for as long as we want or have a constant flow.

After a long day of hard work, wasted time, dream coming true or any other circumstances, it has to end the same as every other day. We lie down and close our eyes to sleep. Whether its joy or sadness, whether you want it to pass away or hold to it forever. The strength to accept the inevitable tragedy or joy of success that we have craved for the longest time. It has to be processed with our eyes closed eventually. When you are praying with all your faith and devotion, you close your eyes. All the important instances that occur in our life are only seen with closed eyes.

We derive our strength to look forward to what each day brings by not looking. The clarity to see things in their right light comes from not looking. It is considered the worst kind of torture for any human when they are not allowed to sleep for more than 72 hours. As those few hours of not looking every night during our sleep is essential for existence. Else it drives us insane.

If you want to expand your potential, gain clarity towards the purpose of your endeavors, get answers to inexplicable questions and instances, ultimately experience limitless peace & love, you just have to consciously close your eyes, to be at complete rest. Its the epicenter of answers to so many mysteries, most of which subconsciously plague us through out our lives. Its the ultimate door we need to enter to cater to all our needs of Safety, Love and belonging, Esteem and self-actualization.

When we look at it literally then there is nothing to be found. As without any objectivity we dont know what to relate with or begin with. One has to be a lateral thinker to take this chance, be at a saturation of craving, exasperated with the fleetingness of things. Its like a journey in uncharted planes with nothing at your disposal, full of uncertainity but no fear to losing anything.

What we see may not necessarily be real and we cant see yet doesnt imply;  it cant be real. 

Life is a debt!

When an infant cries over a broken clay toy, we smile affectionately at the silliness; when a child raises hell over separation with a friend owing to change of school/city, we smile and cajole them out of it; when a young one nags over a new toy or candy, we convince them out of it by all means. We all act so grown up, wise and pragmatic in such situations but fail miserably when facing the same. As we age, our ego builds a false notion of value importance for various things people we are interested in. If only we d instill the same knowledge given taken in our childhood, lifewould be much more sorted. We would nt cry, fight or be depressed for some acquisition and separation of our beloved ones for whatever reason it may have occurred. We struggle all the time to gain what we dont have already or was ours once, but rarely appreciate fully or be grateful to the universal giver.

It is comprehensible when a child acts like this but not when grown ups do. The primary most important reason is what we have failed to understand utterly that life everything which comes with it, is a debt on us. We owe it to something/someone we dont know, dont understand and unfortunately dont care. Nothing here is ours and no matter what claims we may prove over someone or something, it wont become ours.

The first thing that strikes me is the end of life, how its unsure and not in our hands. So all the things at our disposal and things that we may gain access to eventually, by acquiring them somehow or the other, are with us for an uncertain amount of time. We are all born in varied circumstances, financial condition, family members, location, religion, weather, health, etc. We cannot determine any of these for ourselves and nor can anybody else. They are pre-ordained. If we look around, various children are born with certain disabilities ailments. But most of us have been gifted with almost perfect senses to experience this world. Are we really ever grateful for that? We have eyes, ears, tongue, nose, face, arms, legs, mind, brain, etc. The very basic essentials to live life. They are all taken for granted to be our rightful property.

We all have been given so much but we fail to even acknowledge the courtesy. If someone dear to us is sick, disabled, hurt or dead, we cry over it, get sad or depressed. If any of our precious belonging/acquisition gets lost, damaged, stolen or taken against our will, we crave it like anything and almost like our life depends on it. If someone snatches our status, post or insults us in some way damaging our position amongst our peers, society, workplace, etc. basically hurting our ego, its such a devastating experience. Why is it that we are so oblivious to the fact that none of it is ours. It is been given to us or made available to us. Even we have acquired or build something over time with efforts, remember the time, efficiency talent was not originally ours. We are just temporary caretakers with certain perks.

There is a owner of everything we perceive knowingly or unknowingly, things we are aware of yet or not. His system is very intricate, immaculate and flawless. Just because we dont know it, doesnt mean it doesnt exist and just because we dont understand it, doesnt mean its flawed. The nature and all its beings features are in perfect sync bound by a certain law pattern governed by the owner.

We all must spend some time to express our gratitude someway or the other, by praising the giver/owner in our hearts, by contributing means at our disposal to those who dont have, doing selfless service of any kind to those in need and most of all spread his kindness, love generosity to everybody we come across with equanimity. Otherwise its a disastrous waste to die eventually with a narrow mind and selfish attitude.

We are all self-inflicted slaves

How can you be happier and more satisfied in your life? I thought of using this as a title of this post. Its the most common question asked and answered in self-help/improvment guides. But I realized it has something to do with the submissive nature of ours. Hence I consider us all self-inflicted slaves to our mind.

The happiness and satisfaction of our lives is a state or experience of our mind. We pereceive things through our senses and experience it in our mind. Mostly it lasts for a very short time, before again our mind projects a new situation/condition to make us feel incomplete. We keep trying and experimenting with various things, people and situations around us. We try to determine how to make the best out of them to our benefit or for people we care. We see, hear, taste, smell, touch and feel everything at our disposal in our own way. Thereby to establish a meaning or connection to it. There are myriad subjects available to us whether we know them all yet or not. 

There lies the catch, the constant endeavor to please our mind, convince it, satisfy it, etc. We confuse our satisfaction to be that of our minds'. As unfortunately 99% of us dont know our identity beyond our mind and body. No I am not refering to us being a soul. As soul too just comprises of our subtle body. But I am not even talking about various layers of our existence here. 

You will have to experiment this on your own to realize what I am trying to say here purely out of my own experience. First of all lets just do away with the barrier of any kind of fear of society, law, etc. As they prevent us from taking into action many thoughts that may occur to us at times. We dont want to pay heed to those kind of feeling and desires here. We all have our sense of righteousness based on our upbringing, culture, education and exposure. So there are again many actions we avoid out of that obligation. So now we narrow down to all actions & activities which are unconditional and free from prejudice or dire consequences. 

We spend all of our time & energy for ourselves and/or things/people we deem important to us. But you have to at least try to go out of your way even if it costs you a bit and keep yourself open to do something for someone self-lessly. You have to deduce that the outcome is not benefitial to you in anyway you can understand for now. There is nothing in return you expect from it. Again you can choose any activity for the same. But I suppose you get the gist. The heart of the matter here is that do something willingly against your mind's wish everyday for sometime. Be it assisting somebody helpless whom you dont know, tending to anybody in need, planting trees in remote places, cleaning places where we dont hangout, etc. 

I would like to stress here again that I am pointing towards things you either dont notice because you are too busy and self-absorbed in your own life or dont consciously take out time for. Even if you start with half an hour a day, it can yield results you cant possibly imagine. All you need to do is cut sometime out of your next weekend getaway, coffee with a dear one, a little bit from your sleep, etc. The more you dont like to do or cant do the better. It can be a sick relative you dont like to visit or some distant aquaintance in very poor & helpless state. If its strangers in these conditions then all the more better. You should force yourself out of the reverie of selfish pursuits & gains. For a change expand your heart, broaden your mind and choose to be different from animals. 

There is so much stress & confusion at every nook and corner of our life today. Essentially because all our energies our constantly focused to just please our mind. It has gradually made us very selfish and focused only on our feelings and desires. My career, my companion, my family, my friends, my ideology, my aim, my ambition, my desire, my wish...............We have become so predictable and boring indirectly.

Interestingly, this is also the essence of meditation. Its meant for you to exercise control over your mind & body for sometime and avoid them from participating in any conscious activity. To refrain from all feelings, thoughts, ideas, movements for a shortwhile everyday. The most vivid and direct way to confront your true nature. To be completely comfortable and in acceptance of who you are. Before you venture out in the world with your expectations & ideas and hoping people to see you in the right light. Its the most primary selfless activity from which you cant derive anything physical. It gradually opens up the capacity in you pay more attention to everything around, to be aware, to have greater & longer focus on your determination, to contribute to existence in its entirety with however small a contribution. To be happier & more satisfied in your skin.   

Perils of Pretense

For as long as I can remember there have often been some things around that stopped making sense. I used question myself and people around me. I would always get the same advice from others that is to ignore it and pretend it never happened. How long can I/we ignore the inevitable? Isnt it the greatest gift of being human that we can question, ponder, anlyse, contemplate and learn. Everything is changing around us but in a manner that the pattern seems very complicated. Can we just let it be?

A lot of my friends advocate being full of acceptance and prefer to not question. I fail to fathom the ground on which we hold our beliefs, virtues & principles when we just dont dig into the heart of the matter of things we value the most. Still I ask the silliest of example : if your next salary credit is reduced to half, wouldnt you question your employer ? if your landlord randomly turns up one morning and starts throwing your stuff forcing you to vacate, wouldnt you protest ? if your monthly electricity, water, mobile bill suddenly jumps 4 times, wouldnt you try to find out the details? The answer is obvious. Yet any matters pertaining to our life, health, people, relations, society are just left and picked randomly at our convenience. We have actually become so materialistic because of our pursuits. What actually makes us human or differs us from all other life forms? Is it that we can totally focus all of our life on just two goals namely - proffession & companionship. Once we have both then we have earned the right to be frivolous.

I may be sounding cynical or preposterous but my observations are purely driven by compassion and solicitude. But if I am not making sense then surely I am lacking words to put it across in the desired manner. 

We are not machines and we are not fools chasing a mirage. We are much more, we are beautiful, we are human, we are alive and best thing is we know it. Yes everything we do, indirectly is an attempt to feel alive constantly. Any accomplishment and achievement is like one more step towards being more alive, to feel complete. But any failure puts us back by like 100 steps. The affect of our success often turns to be much weaker than our failure. 

Is it really alright to move on every time? we are always too busy to stop willingly for introspection and analysis. Nature always forces us to halt through myriad excuses. We all have to wait somewhere or the other many times. Yes turely now a days our handy gadgets have a way to even avoid that. But somehow we have become capable of facing many people socially online than we could ever gather the courage to be face to face with. Because we can pretend behind an Id/profile. We can put the faces/pictures we like, proclaim any status we are safe with and best of all you dont have to confront anybody with a response. You can block/ignore anyone.

We have so many faces virutally and in reality. We are not the same with everyone. In fact we are playing roles all the time and mostly just to safeguard our ego/individuality. There is a constant fear of facing people the way we truely our, as we might be judged or not accepted. A wall of pretension is secretly guarded by all humanity. The biggest peril is that we our ultimately and inevitably losing ourselves.

Few months back at a very close friend's place I was questioned by his landlord who was an elderly man. In his first statement itself he had a strong despising opinion towards my living an irresponsible life. In a way I cant reckon why and in a way I know his bias. Later I was contemplating alone that whether he ever questioned his tenants who having chosen their life partners are living far away from their hometown/parents individually in pursuit of their career. As this has become an acceptable, respectable & responsible way of life. The concept of family being together is already gone and this gentleman (landlord) believed I am being unjust to my family by choosing the life of a monk. The deduction boils down to this, if I were to choose a girl to get married and a job of my choice, then if I stayed thousand KM away from my parents/family , its perfectly alright. What an irony and what a paradox!

In order to be true to my words or preach only what I practise. I often speak these words when I meet people, I am considered harsh, irrational, rude and hence ulitmately despised & ignored. Basically I am suppose to pretend infront of my friends, relatives, aquaintances and strangers. Everyone except to my self but can I really sustain like that. By not being true just to remain polite & acceptable.

I wish all the best to everybody who is and who is not seeking, whatever is their pursuit. 

The flight of a kite is similar to our ever wandering mind

Always wanting to tread familiar or unfamiliar skies, horizons & wind. Such is the plight of our mind. Its always chasing nothings in the thin air. It struggles if there is no wind of subjects of our senses. However light or strong our mind just wants to ride the sky. Its hung on the loose string at times and goes to fast chasing the blind dreams at times. The rush is so strong that we take the fall by getting our fingers cut and hurting ourselves by following the mind. However long the flight maybe or it may just be a brief one but the end result is more nothing. It wanders around ceaselessly climbing the winds and no matter how high it reaches, it adds nothing to what already exists nor does it take away anything. Just like this world we live in everyday, the sky is endless too. We do the same thing everyday of our life in a futile attempt to gain some meaning to our existence but reach no where.

In fact the beginning is so tough most of the days when the wind/circumstance is not favorable. There are plenty of obstacles around like the buildings, trees, pillars, wires, etc. Each posing the same threat metaphorically and further fueling the fire to go up above in the sky. I d say rather they give you a fleeting chance to realize the reality but its so evident & vivid that we actually miss it.

Once you manage to hit the skies, its not just over yet as now we come face to face with other kites (people and their minds). Some share the same space with you without interfering anything while others are much more aggressive and try to cut your string of this false hope. There ensues a relentless battle of existence & competition. The survival of the strongest, fittest or luckiest. Who can go highest in the sky while destructing the existence of others in their way. The more strings you cut ending others attempt at success & recognition, the more your ego gets boosted. You can hear the boastful yell often. The most hilarious part is when some people actually try to latch on to the lost dream of others, manage to wrap the other cut off kites to theirs and bring it down. I guess there must be some pride in owning many dreams (kites) which I cannot fathom.

Its very funny to witness all this when I hit the roof. The flyers around are lost in the dreams of reaching high skies, beating down others, straining their eyes, skin, arms and shoulders, neglecting food, weather & the sun. Ultimately everyone has to bring their kites down by the evening. Yes some like to venture out in the skies even at night with lanterns attached to their stringed kites. But however long they try to have fun in the lonesome sky, yet gradually they bring theirs kites down too. So even if you manage to survive others & struggle to prove your self to co-exist, but all the hopes, dreams, chase, ambition, quests, settle down. No lesson is learnt and the same efforts begin from square one everyday.

Why is it necessary to fly a kite if you want to spend time on the roof? I mean why is it necessary to run after something all the time. You can just see the beauty around and relax. If you keep the eventuality of this game in sight and then fly a kite just for fun (living everyday), how wonderful it can be. There’d be no pain, fear or anxiety. It will be just a child’s play and thats exactly what its meant to be.

The kite of our minds knows no rest and exhausts us everyday. Please stop being governed for a moment and live life on your own terms. Unless you even consider the notion then you wouldnt know if it exists or is possible.