the theatre of my life

Every now and then I bump into people who know I used to be a part of theatre once. Nobody fails to ask me why did I quit theatre.
Are we all not part of a theatre only? I may not be performing on one stage now but rest everywhere I am performing.
The biggest blunder I think I did was I always got too carried away with the character and thought that my co-actor is serious about his role. Everyone I met on stage seemed so true and needing my cooperation to play their part. But I never knew it was all fictitious. I played all the roles but I got too involved everytime and hence I was left behind the curtains sometimes and sometimes on the stage itself without lights when everyone has left.


It has been easy to forget the short lived or momentary roles I played. The ones thats stretched even for a few months remained buried in my heart till now. The irony is some characters I performed for more than ten years, the remains are left now and are very painful. I think I am dumb.
There are goofs in every play and the co-actor always helps. Sometimes you have to add lines on stage to make the show go on, yet at times your very important lines are skipped by the co-actor. You never know whether it happened by mistake or deliberately.
Everyone seems to be seeking the extra round of applause or the extra line to deliver at any cost. Now a days no one is happy working back stage or being a prop on the stage. I fell for it many times and let others have that golden chance we all need or seek, my mistake is that I waited back stage for that person to come and acknowledge with slightest gratitude. Nobody looks back. The audience only recognises the shining star and so do your co-actors.
I am such a sucker to have loved each and everyone who was part of the crew. I valued every character, no matter on or off stage. I never minded fetching a glass of water even for the runners. Somewhere in my heart I still wait for them to recall me or return to say hello.

Its only after the lights are off and curtains are drawn that reality strikes me, pack up and leave. You are part is over, you are not required right now. You will be called for when you are needed. You just wish for one more show of the same play, no matter if its fake but at least you will be able to live that character once again and with the same co-actors. A wishful thinking. But the show goes on, everywhere you see, everyone you see is part of the theatre, playing their characters, but noone knows whats behind the mask, what the person is actually behind the role they are playing. Dont ever fall for it, like i did several or most of the times.

The funny thing is nobody knows the director or the script writer but you often hear people coming in a rush and just uttering the magic words. Okay the director wants you to..................as per the script you have to..................
Being a loser may be, I finally stopped participating and started looking for the director & the script writer. Where are they, are we all puppets in their hands, for how long do we have to carry on like this, I have become reluctant to all the imposed roles now. I am little a sad on having to first time shun all the actors, the stage, the lights, the curtains, some how it was fun to be ignorant but it used to hurt a lot. Let see where I get.