Everything is changing except you

Why does it happen? will remain an unanswered question if we try to put it in words but it can only be realized within. All the people you meet, love, care for, live with, see everyday or are strangers have only one thing common in them, they are constantly changing. That is why more often than not our expectations either get let down or get fulfilled more than we expected. Our mind is going through so much every millisecond that it wouldn't be possible to ascertain a pattern. Otherwise we will all be very predictable and won't remain individuals but clones. Yes I totally agree that you might come across the same behavior for few years in a stretch but it does change ultimately as they are all vulnerable to circumstances. As we often hear or say while conversing that he/she is a different person now or they have grown up now.

This is as much a boon as its a disaster. Now why this fickleness is a boon, only this innate nature can lead to evolution or any kind of realization. If you get fixated then you become stagnant, rigid or stuck. But if you never question or understand this. If you just accept it like this or turn a blind eye then your chances of ever learning the truth will majorly diminish. On the other hand this human nature is a disaster as it leads to most quarrels, dissatisfaction, dysfunction or chaos. As this can't be understood from outside by any external means, ways or theories. This can only be realized within.

Whatever you might hold on to and however dear it might be to you. Either that thing, person or situation will eventually change or your outlook/attitude towards it will change. Its really tough to determine then what is of actual value/importance or what can you hold onto and expect it to remain same or it to matter the same to you forever. Well nothing here is forever. Ignorance is bliss but how many of you reading this are actually that ignorant to believe that anything would last the same. All the pride, acquisition, status & wealth of the world cannot satisfy our ever wandering minds.

I am often questioned why I chose this spiritual life suddenly or how did it happen to me. What led to the complete change? etc. etc. Well I could never point to any one thing or incidence that led me to choose the current lifestyle/belief/understanding. But I am very certain of the fact that it really disturbed me always to see everything around me constantly changing. Every person I know, have met or heard/seen is changing. All places I have been to, seem changed the next time I see them. I had a chance to travel from a very young age with my family and after growing up I have been traveling alone a lot. Whenever I am in a new place, the realization never fails to strike that the place I call home is just in my memory. It has no relevance what so ever in my current location. If I will ever return to my last destination is not entirely sure as it depends on lot of factors.

Though the only thing I have learnt or experienced that never changes is your person, your being, experience of your self. Whether as a child, a teen, an adult or grown up. The way you are remains the same. Your fundamental needs remain the same. Your craving for affection/care, security, belongingness or the need to avoid pain and fear. Most of the pursuits are same and just the measures we take to achieve fulfillment or happiness keep changing. Everybody needs satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness. We all want to feel complete and keep doing everything in our capacity to avoid anything we feel averse to. In a way we never evolve as we want to the same things all our life in different intensity and form. Our capabilities remain sufficient only to change the ways but not to realize or satiate the need/want completely.

The human body is constantly undergoing changes and this ultimately leads to our corporeal demise. The life within us which is a form of energy never gets destroyed. So remain the thoughts, desires, aspirations, wants, needs, ideas, dreams. Unless we consciously let go of these. They remain embedded with us. Yet we never like things around us to significantly change once we get used to and comfortable with a certain person or situation. If we are bored we seek change of company and place but keep repeating the process. As we keep getting bored of the change too. Everything is changing around us and we can't really handle it but there is always something new to look forward to. Hence it never strikes us to be bothersome.

I might be an unfortunate person by the definition of many as I don't come across even a few people who perceive things like this. At least history is evident that time and again there have been seekers, aspirants & philosophers who observed and experienced the ephemeral nature of everything. Those are the ones who sought the truth behind it all and some of them realized the ultimate truth. The key lies solely within you. All the answers lie within us. Life is unpredictable and don't let your chance go by living aimlessly in pursuit of things that stop mattering to you over a period. You are gifted with the ability to seek the constant and everlasting joy & happiness of life, the ultimate satisfaction which won't be fleeting.

You are you and will remain so. You were never young and you will never grow old. You were never born and hence you will never die. You are complete in absolute sense and totally independent. Do not pursue your tendencies and desires blindly. As they are not your own. They have been picked and adopted through our surrounding/company/experience of whats only outside. You are truly beautiful but its not possible to see through eyes. As eyes would only see the reflection and not the real you.

Victim of lonliness

We are at our loneliest state when we are in deep sleep. We all wake up feeling very fresh from it and its essential for our existence. Still in our so called wakeful state we try and run away as much as we can from this physical & mental inactive state. All the wonders of today’s world and the ones from yesteryear are a result of being alone completely. As it has endless possibilities & potential hidden to explore and discover.
Its amongst the first realization we all have even as a child. The wail of an infant is full of loneliness which also expresses other emotions such as insecurity and fear. The mother’s warm hold takes away all this pain and anxiety in a jiffy.
Does it really abandon us as we grow up or does it lurk at every corner and instance of our lives. Over the years of evolution the same loneliness has led to inventions, professions, discoveries, hobbies and most importantly entertainment. In fact the most common way of describing or differentiating our personalities is by the number of ways we are good at, or know to avoid loneliness. Sports, vacations, movies, adventure, music, poetry, painting, sculpting……and so many other things named as recreational activities in the shadow of overcoming our biggest fear. Even drinking, smoking or other substance abuse are attempts to get rid of the same evil.
Finding trues friends, having close relatives, joining social clubs, meaningful relationship, genuine companionship, etc. to find love, affection, care, belongingness and emotional security with the help of others in our lives. Their presence might shield you but you cant avoid or deny it. As no matter if it’s a physical activity or something emotional, they all are ephemeral. Yes, as a child your favorite action hero figure or your stuff toy could suffice when mom went to sleep in other room but for how many years. You kept finding new ways, works, activities and people but how many stay in our lives all the time. The search for true love, the concept of marriage, finding a soul mate are all over rated. As you can attempt to run but you cant hide. We make feeble attempts of saving and cherishing memories of times when we were not lonely but just like a childhood toy doesn’t fascinate you in your adulthood similarly memories start fading and lose their charm. You cant just shun reality which is so stark in your face.
When our dear ones die or when we fight a illness or injury in a bed, it’s a nature’s way of reminding us. Ultimately you are alone. Even in a group of friends, house full of family or by yourself up in the mountains. Whatever you feel inside your heart is experienced by you only, can your voice express exactly what you went through at a certain time, even if it was the closest or best attempt, was the right person infront of you every time, even if the right person was there, did you have their complete attention or the right frame of mind, huh??? You cant fool your soul now, can you? It doesn’t work out the way we want. Even Alexander with all his conquests and Einstein with all his discoveries & inventions experienced absolute loneliness at time of their corporeal departure and regretted. As nobody tries to find a real cure.
Honestly I used to fear loneliness always. Hence I could never forget a person or erase their memory with whom I felt myself, found affection or the other multitude of feelings we crave for and cherish. I am thirty now and thankfully I have been close to more people than I can count (may be I can count if I try). I have either experienced first hand, or heard from others who have confided in me, myriad kinds of emotions & feelings. Its interesting to observe that how nobody tries to unfold, derive or integrate from their experiences and learn more about our fundamental need or weakness. We are humans and hence capable of penetrating this surface. Each instance is crying out to reach us and reveal so much more if we can break our conventional barriers for some time. I feel much more than my age whenever I interact with others including people much more elder to me physically. Other than that I think everyone should be able to see, observe or analyse as much as I can or do at this age (a wish full thinking).
If you like to be by yourself, enjoy solitude in a quiet place, reclusion is your way to be. Even then you remain a victim of loneliness. Only and only if you can be by yourself without being active physically or mentally for sometime willingly everyday then you can say you have begun your journey towards accepting your fears, investigating the unknown. Eventually we all will meet the epitome of loneliness called death and keep witnessing others’ encounter. Its inevitable and it scares everyone consciously or sub-consciously. Even though there is nothing to be afraid of, nothing can stop you from knowing and being who you actually are. Quantum physicists are now finding out what has been known and documents since ages by saints and sages. They are labelling our existence as 20-watt of electricity/energy which cannot be created or destroyed and how it transcends to other parallel universe or form when this one reaches its end. I wont get into their theory but would like to point there is too much to discover if we abandon our cocoon for a while and take a dip in the vast ocean.
Loneliness churns up an yearning inside to reach out to someone or to grab hold to something. This yearning can lead us places we might not know to exist and even fear them for that reason. But I have never been more at peace than when I am all by myself trying to be inactive, to be one with nature, with my self. Yes it needs lot of effort and practise but the result is worth much more. I even wish to spend some time (months or years) where there is no other. Away from civilization may be. I want to learn, discover and realise all that there is to our being, our existence before my body reaches its end.

Unanswered Questions

Why did it happen? What does it mean? Did I or you really deserve this? Why do I or you admire something or someone so much? Why can't I or you stand something or someone at all?
What is love, success or fame? Who made these? Why do they become so important? How long do they last? Is there anything that lasts forever? Nobody wants to die but still everybody dies eventually, why? how? when? where? what? who?

There are myriad such questions that haunt us in our life span. Most of them remain unanswered or forgotten. As the trick is that there is always something that happens and takes our mind away from these. Most people fall for this and let go knowingly or unknowingly the pursuit of their answers.
Some of us arent that lucky and one or more such questions keep pondering over in our heads and taking us to the brink of saturation. Well I'd say that happens to only the lucky few of us. Though I agree it totally changes your life and its perspective. But isnt that what makes us human or different from other species.

We are but machines or animals, certainly not humans if we dont question and seek their answers.
We have been gifted by reason, logic & faith by mother nature amongst other attributes. Its our conveyance to understanding what lies beyond the vision of our eyes; to reach out and to expand our horizons. If you go on living daily lives like you have been forever and often when faced with inexplicable instances, you just choose to ignore or forget or not pay attention. Then my friend you are but a machine or a computer. You are just executing commands fed, led, forced and inspired by someone else.

Why wont we let go of memories and stop building expectation based on them? Why do we fantasize the future? Why staying/living in present seems so difficult? Why life doesnt always turn up the way we want it to? Even when some part of it does, why doesnt it stay like that? Why do we rush after something or someone putting at stake everything else? Why does it become so important? How & why does one prioritize whats to be done? What makes us careless at times, where does laziness seep in from? Why do humans hurt/dominate/exploit other humans? Why have we become our greatest enemy or danger to ourselves as humanity?

Though the way I observe it, we are relentlessly trying to find the answers at a subconscious level. We are trying to constantly do what we like or keep thinking about things/people we like without ever knowing why there is this certain liking for particular objects, situations and people. Yet there are certain expected or unexpected things we enjoy so much that it makes us forget everything else but only momentarily.

All the answers lie within but we need to penetrate beyond this body and mind. The tools we need are reason, logic, faith and enquiry. But remember to let go of the tools as well when you start moving ahead. As the tools cannot be there forever. They only suffice to take you to the carrier of your journey but the journey itself has to be done without any of these.

There is a desperate cry and plea in most actions around me. They all can't have a separate direction. They seem unanimously attempting to find out the truth which can lead one to all the answers at once. Different ways, methods, attempts all to find the unknown. In an artist's creativity, designer s creation, musician's composition, techies gadget hunt, developer's app, driver's ride. It's too overwhelming that it makes me cry often and I want to reach out, discover, find out my existence, my purpose, my creator, my self.
It's such a lonesome journey even though all of this crowd is unknowingly doing the same. They are searching the goods in the packets left by someone and I am looking for the one who left these packets here. Everyone finds something that catches them or attracts them and I can't satisfy my self with any of these contents. So dont even dare look for a partner in this journey as this is the one you have to do alone. As even your partner is actually a distraction from knowing everything else. As its not a journey outside but within your self.

Where do I go, where can I go, I can't leave for anywhere cos everything is a part of this unknown. Nothing is without it, outside it, beyond it. Everything is within this cosmos. Every answer is already there. We just have to dive within letting go of everything we hold onto except our self-awareness.

how do you feel in the morning?

I have made an observation during my travels. Its almost common everywhere I go. During the day I see people shuffling between all kind of moods & states. They are excited, passionate, dull, irritated, etc. By the nightfall I see some tired, exhausted or content at times. The most interesting time is when they get up. I usually get up earlier than most people I am with.
You see unless, there is a train/flight to catch or an urgent meeting, someone knocking the door, there is such a lack of enthusiasm at this point. I rarely see the welcome smile for a brand new day. There is a dullness about the morning or lack of sleep. Unless there is a very important reason to get up which has been planned earlier, there is no drive to get out of bed. I often like to ask what people do over the weekend. How does their morning begins is the most important feedback for me. I want to understand what exactly drives people everyday, what pushes them towards forthcoming events. I am specifically interested in the mornings when there is nothing planned in prior.
Isn't there anyone living their life by making their own decisions, or has everyone stopped making plans and organizing their schedule. Is it too necessary to have a plan to even get up? As far as I see we are almost as good or bad as dead for the world when we are asleep. Do we want to remain dead for as long as we can help????
Why cant our existence on its own be exciting enough to look forward to each day? I find the sunrise in itself so pleasant a time to not miss it in the morning. I dont go out in the balcony or the roof top to see it everyday. But just knowing at a moment the sun is rising right now, is such a soothing experience in itself. Fortunately for me, I rarely have days now when I have my morning planned for something. Comparing that with most people's lives I should have the least amount of zeal to get up early morning.
I mostly hear that if there is a plan for supposing 9 am in the morning then generally people just like to get up say at 8 am so that they can get ready, eat and leave. Nobody wants to have a nice and relaxed morning or at least the synonym for that is lazing in the bed.

No wonder the faces in the morning of people I often see is the dullest and lifeless. Look at your face without washing it in the mirror each morning. Look into your eyes. Ask yourself what are you doing in life and what for.
Honestly this feels like a very dull and deprived life. I hardly consider this as lifestyle of people who have chosen their own occupation/profession. It more sounds like living on a gun point. That people only move because there is no other choice. Otherwise if people who can help or have lenient schedule wouldn't wanna wake on time even on weekdays, let alone weekends.

I am sure there are days when people exhaust themselves beyond their physical/mental capacity and look forward to more rest than usual. But does sleeping extra really makes you feel energetic after you get up. I strongly doubt. I d say that sleep early if you want to catch up on missed rest. But try begin your day for no particular reason, maximum by sunrise. I wont say what difference it makes but you feel it yourself. You could try it for two weeks and find out.

You dont really need a reason for it. Just do it for yourself. Like the days you have to go to work but you dont have to actually rush your breakfast or bath. Have it like you would do on a sunday i.e. at ease. Not like you are on a mission and will be suspended for taking long. But it can only happen if you have sufficient time before you have to get onto your schedule.

The parameter to your life's current state up till now can only be known by exactly how you feel when you first open your eyes each morning. If you find it peaceful & calm then wait and check if its so for the next one hour at least. You have to spare yourself at least that much each day, don't postpone it for the day to end. You are very precious, treat yourself like that. Everything in the world is secondary & dependent to your existence and it doesn't exist if you don't.