Victim of lonliness

We are at our loneliest state when we are in deep sleep. We all wake up feeling very fresh from it and its essential for our existence. Still in our so called wakeful state we try and run away as much as we can from this physical & mental inactive state. All the wonders of today’s world and the ones from yesteryear are a result of being alone completely. As it has endless possibilities & potential hidden to explore and discover.
Its amongst the first realization we all have even as a child. The wail of an infant is full of loneliness which also expresses other emotions such as insecurity and fear. The mother’s warm hold takes away all this pain and anxiety in a jiffy.
Does it really abandon us as we grow up or does it lurk at every corner and instance of our lives. Over the years of evolution the same loneliness has led to inventions, professions, discoveries, hobbies and most importantly entertainment. In fact the most common way of describing or differentiating our personalities is by the number of ways we are good at, or know to avoid loneliness. Sports, vacations, movies, adventure, music, poetry, painting, sculpting……and so many other things named as recreational activities in the shadow of overcoming our biggest fear. Even drinking, smoking or other substance abuse are attempts to get rid of the same evil.
Finding trues friends, having close relatives, joining social clubs, meaningful relationship, genuine companionship, etc. to find love, affection, care, belongingness and emotional security with the help of others in our lives. Their presence might shield you but you cant avoid or deny it. As no matter if it’s a physical activity or something emotional, they all are ephemeral. Yes, as a child your favorite action hero figure or your stuff toy could suffice when mom went to sleep in other room but for how many years. You kept finding new ways, works, activities and people but how many stay in our lives all the time. The search for true love, the concept of marriage, finding a soul mate are all over rated. As you can attempt to run but you cant hide. We make feeble attempts of saving and cherishing memories of times when we were not lonely but just like a childhood toy doesn’t fascinate you in your adulthood similarly memories start fading and lose their charm. You cant just shun reality which is so stark in your face.
When our dear ones die or when we fight a illness or injury in a bed, it’s a nature’s way of reminding us. Ultimately you are alone. Even in a group of friends, house full of family or by yourself up in the mountains. Whatever you feel inside your heart is experienced by you only, can your voice express exactly what you went through at a certain time, even if it was the closest or best attempt, was the right person infront of you every time, even if the right person was there, did you have their complete attention or the right frame of mind, huh??? You cant fool your soul now, can you? It doesn’t work out the way we want. Even Alexander with all his conquests and Einstein with all his discoveries & inventions experienced absolute loneliness at time of their corporeal departure and regretted. As nobody tries to find a real cure.
Honestly I used to fear loneliness always. Hence I could never forget a person or erase their memory with whom I felt myself, found affection or the other multitude of feelings we crave for and cherish. I am thirty now and thankfully I have been close to more people than I can count (may be I can count if I try). I have either experienced first hand, or heard from others who have confided in me, myriad kinds of emotions & feelings. Its interesting to observe that how nobody tries to unfold, derive or integrate from their experiences and learn more about our fundamental need or weakness. We are humans and hence capable of penetrating this surface. Each instance is crying out to reach us and reveal so much more if we can break our conventional barriers for some time. I feel much more than my age whenever I interact with others including people much more elder to me physically. Other than that I think everyone should be able to see, observe or analyse as much as I can or do at this age (a wish full thinking).
If you like to be by yourself, enjoy solitude in a quiet place, reclusion is your way to be. Even then you remain a victim of loneliness. Only and only if you can be by yourself without being active physically or mentally for sometime willingly everyday then you can say you have begun your journey towards accepting your fears, investigating the unknown. Eventually we all will meet the epitome of loneliness called death and keep witnessing others’ encounter. Its inevitable and it scares everyone consciously or sub-consciously. Even though there is nothing to be afraid of, nothing can stop you from knowing and being who you actually are. Quantum physicists are now finding out what has been known and documents since ages by saints and sages. They are labelling our existence as 20-watt of electricity/energy which cannot be created or destroyed and how it transcends to other parallel universe or form when this one reaches its end. I wont get into their theory but would like to point there is too much to discover if we abandon our cocoon for a while and take a dip in the vast ocean.
Loneliness churns up an yearning inside to reach out to someone or to grab hold to something. This yearning can lead us places we might not know to exist and even fear them for that reason. But I have never been more at peace than when I am all by myself trying to be inactive, to be one with nature, with my self. Yes it needs lot of effort and practise but the result is worth much more. I even wish to spend some time (months or years) where there is no other. Away from civilization may be. I want to learn, discover and realise all that there is to our being, our existence before my body reaches its end.